tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83255193529741001522024-03-14T01:13:56.488+08:00latitude x longitudeThis is where I came from: 36.9167° N, 76.2000° W
& this is where I am: 29.5583° N, 106.5667° E
I hope to explore growth (or an upward shift - latitude)
of the places I travel to around the world (east to west - longitude)
// this is not a travel blog. this is a study on changing perspectives, embracing cultural differences and learning more about who I am as a person.
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-8973552203737239542015-12-12T17:05:00.000+08:002015-12-12T17:06:28.131+08:00december<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlpeCoIuEG0OJn61S0g75amYGIOSP6doRxYpySbhHsOdFi41UTUngeBCtZepbl7FgMzA85TgU2xnOQa1EiyYA7rBz1eBNe596l1m42HI7L-HOBO4xoatVvM4o-YcvQ1TtWEb-x0CSsbFY/s640/blogger-image--968546565.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlpeCoIuEG0OJn61S0g75amYGIOSP6doRxYpySbhHsOdFi41UTUngeBCtZepbl7FgMzA85TgU2xnOQa1EiyYA7rBz1eBNe596l1m42HI7L-HOBO4xoatVvM4o-YcvQ1TtWEb-x0CSsbFY/s640/blogger-image--968546565.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>four sisters mountains in western sichuan</i></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.48px;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.48px;"> || to mentally prepare to begin another year. January comes and I usually feel disconnected through much of it. I'd like to prevent this this time.</span></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">FINISHING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"> || the last of Banksy's shots so that he can go outside & meet new puppies & go for walks & just generally not be cooped up in the tiny apt all the time.</span></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">MAKING </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">|| pickled veggies for the first time ever.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING</i> || mulled wine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.48px;">READING </i><span style="line-height: 18.48px;">||<i> the martian </i>by Andy Weir</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || allllll the christmas movies.</span><br />
<i style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18.48px;">LISTENING TO</i><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18.48px;"> || </span><a href="http://sittinginourtree.blogspot.com/" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18.48px;" target="_blank">this</a><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18.48px;"> lady's sweet Christmas playlist(s).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || new slippers from uniqlo & my down vest.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.48px;">EATING</i><span style="line-height: 18.48px;"> || whatever home baked goods I can get my hands on (mostly from other people because home girl is STILL without an oven.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || night: chamomile tea. morning: BREWED COFFEE FROM OUR NEW COFFEE MAKER. Can I just say that I can't believe we didn't do this sooner? Two year of french pressing is far too long. #sosmooth #sotasty</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || how to make home made bone broth in response to a crazy bout of antibiotics that I'm currently on. Triple womp.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || letting go of things that no longer serve me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || on not projecting my stresses. Deep breaths make it so much better.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || fetch with Banksy in the hallway in our building, it's literally the most adorable thing ever that he's always understood the concept.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || to taiwaaaaaan. The beach, some mountains, a coastal bike trip & many jaunts around sweet neighborhoods are on the agenda.</span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">WANTING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"> || to feel better, physically. the cold feels like it's seeping into my bones already. Chengdu don't play no games with them wet winters.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || a time when I'm back on the busy train. For now, gratitude for slower days = more time to be still and intentional with my actions instead of rushing 24/7. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || for a much more exciting NYE this time around in China. Year 1 was good, year 2, not so much. Maybe it's about the odd years(?) But hey, no expectations.</span><br />
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December has been kind of a weird month so far. Jeremy and I got a puppy right after Thanksgiving. Something that we didn't think we would do until we returned to the US. (SO glad we didn't wait.) A Banksy post is in the works...<br />
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<span style="line-height: 18.48px;">We bought <i>another</i> IKEA christmas tree, i lost a job, (China makes no sense sometimes,) made some new friends and traveled to some gorgeous mountains (a post for that is in the works, as well.) </span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18.48px;">Had many a moment where I felt like all of this was too much. That life can feel so out of control and heavy. I've learned that gratitude practice is a real thing. It's a real, tangible thing you can put on paper. That projecting happiness can help you to actually <i>feel</i> happier. That dogs are easily one of the best things in this world. That health should be celebrated every single day. That the leaves changing colors outside, although late in my mind, are still beautiful & a sign of something ending- only to start again anew.</span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18.48px;"><i>December, you are cold foggy breaths, puppy kisses & white twinkle lights. You are reminders of life, that each day is a gift & that good things are all around me., always.</i></span><br />
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merry christmas, dear readers. may 2016 bring you much joy & happiness.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-16232544226066319042015-11-01T19:10:00.000+08:002015-11-01T19:10:00.230+08:00november<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaJYnmQFPHX1n1c502vjrzr0HrePFIOAbFHOuIca-6HJN7f43cFwR-wQYieBSHa2Twj8BXKHuEnJ8xqSVSWq7UDamlfmNgO61tq5I-K71PJx6thIQ8hdqdAFSlZeOZp7gla_Hf-73tcqo/s640/blogger-image-544898366.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaJYnmQFPHX1n1c502vjrzr0HrePFIOAbFHOuIca-6HJN7f43cFwR-wQYieBSHa2Twj8BXKHuEnJ8xqSVSWq7UDamlfmNgO61tq5I-K71PJx6thIQ8hdqdAFSlZeOZp7gla_Hf-73tcqo/s640/blogger-image-544898366.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>hong kong at dusk.</i></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.48px;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.48px;"> || all the projects I've been thinking up recently.</span></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">FINISHING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"> || all the laundry from two weeks of not being home. </span></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">MAKING </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">|| plans to get coffee with new friends.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING</i> || more time with AJ, the time they were here went <i>too</i> fast. #ohchina</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.48px;">READING </i><span style="line-height: 18.48px;">||<i> </i><a href="http://goop.com/category/be/" target="_blank">Goop's <i>BE</i> column</a> & I finally got on<a href="http://www.theskimm.com/" target="_blank"> <i>the skimm </i></a>train.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || the light fade from my windows, much earlier. I think I'm just going to pretend I live in London, where the clouds are also normal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LISTENING TO</i> || Saint Cava.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || tennis shoes that were too small in the summer (ha, my feet are weird.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.48px;">EATING</i><span style="line-height: 18.48px;"> || home cooked goodness after two weeks of crazy [good] eats in various cities. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || coffee with HOMEMADE PUMPKIN SPICE SYRUP IN IT. *fistpump* Also, thanks mom for sending all those spices I needed, you's aaaaaamazing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || to find more joy in the every day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || getting back into a post vacation routine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || a bit more than last month, hollah for that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || catch up on all the blog post drafts I have waiting for completion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || nowhere. A staycation is planned for this weekend & I could NOT be more excited for it.</span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;">WANTING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.48px;"> || another trip back home. A year is too long.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || to find a bike for the husband (hopefully) this weekend & a well overdue wine night with the new bestie next week.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || that by this time next month, I have an oven again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I really am working on the practice of gratitude for all the sweet things I've been up to lately - and the ability my husband and I have to take trips, and go exploring & stay in sweet air bnb's & make plans to go somewhere new every few months.</span></div>
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when you're in the throes of living in a place that isn't "home," you can forget that there are still <i>so</i> many moments to soak in and be happy for. Maybe not every moment is easy and I find myself dwelling in negative thoughts way more than anyone should - but I feel like China is wearing on me in different ways than it used to & that's just straight up hard.</div>
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I think I put on this brave face & push through the day, trying to make it "count" according to my weird mental status of things that matter, but it still get's to me sometimes. Especially after spending time with people from home & having an awesome time and then having to return to normal life in China.</div>
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I miss target, and chipotle & drinking pumpkin beer. I miss bright orange & red leaves, and trader joes & the smell of the ocean. I miss Ghent, and stockley garden art festivals. Finding shoes in my size & soft, pillow-topped mattresses. </div>
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Life throws curve balls. I should feel grateful for all the things I got to do in October, and the places I got to see. But, now that it's over, I feel a little sadder & a greater longing for the home I remember.</div>
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So lemme go make another PSL and eat some of that sea salt dark chocolate someone threw into Amy's suitcase.</div>
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I am grateful for today.</div>
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<i>November, you are here. & I am here. Let's embrace like lovers cause you are potential & I refuse to be anything less than grateful.</i></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-17437031552585331092015-10-08T09:18:00.000+08:002015-10-08T09:18:38.480+08:00october<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMsWPku97zG2kz4Sr_AYOcGcPOqudMyVI8NuEdOARgKmP_MXoPme7-nLrzGXwJlkI3sTIkfRm4IO2Xv9US-IYzwHbWypw3pTJdSm-3v4H9Cp5X5kqIDVhAaLhwx-_2hi7hl55LMfyucgQ/s640/blogger-image--335585488.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMsWPku97zG2kz4Sr_AYOcGcPOqudMyVI8NuEdOARgKmP_MXoPme7-nLrzGXwJlkI3sTIkfRm4IO2Xv9US-IYzwHbWypw3pTJdSm-3v4H9Cp5X5kqIDVhAaLhwx-_2hi7hl55LMfyucgQ/s640/blogger-image--335585488.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>sunset over chengdu from my new buildings rooftop.</i></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || to pick up steam teaching yoga here.</span></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">FINISHING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || a long period of not having a computer. </span></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">MAKING </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">|| chili pepper mango tofu & salsa.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING</i> || soft serve ice cream. & pumpkin anything. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">READING </i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">||<i> the life-changing magic of tidying up</i>, (of course.) by Marie Kondo.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || the man in the high castle & the good wife.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LISTENING TO</i> || SO MANY PODCASTS. Currently obsessing over <a href="http://onbeing.org/" target="_blank">On Being</a>,<a href="http://jessicamurnane.com/onepartpodcast/" target="_blank"> One Part Podcast</a> &<a href="http://www.limetownstories.com/" target="_blank"> Limetown.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || layers in the morning; fall has arrived to Chengdu.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">EATING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || spinach/feta/balsamic with lunch. & the occasion avocado.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || coffee from all the little shops in our neighborhood.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || that there is no prize for being right in an argument.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || letting go of rigid structure and allowing things to just happen. Also, drawing mandalas.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || less than I ever have. & it' so weird.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || the weaving & dodging game with all the maniac drivers in this city while riding my bike. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || to mountains & small towns and HONG KONG with AJ & Cameron<i>!!!!!!!</i></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">WANTING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || a hair cut. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || our HK itinerary & travel plans for December. Taiwan? Vietnam? Korea? TBD.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || for lots of sunshine this month.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">October is easily one of my favorite months. The craziest thing is that the time last year, I was in the US getting ready for Amy & Cameron's wedding all while doing the super intensive 14 hour a day yoga teacher training. So intense. So crazy that that was a year ago. What's going on, time!? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">It does present a problem when there is very little here by way of "autumness" that is abundant back home. No PSL's, no tree lined streets all red & yellow, no harvest festivals, no real acknowledgement that it's a new season, other than people donning warmer layers. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">I have been frequently saying that I feel a shift in my life, and each time I say that, another shift occurs. Whether it's moving or finding new friends or things to do, or whatever, there is aways some new experience or situation that is causing me to face my insecurities & grow a little (or a lot.) It's been a crazy month, ( I also feel like I say that every month.) But it's always true. Crazy town, that's where I live.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have so many blog post ideas stashed away for when I have long afternoons with a computer at my disposal. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But for now, I am eagerly awaiting our visitors & super excited for the next few weeks of exploring and having adventures with family. Now I'm off to figure out how to clean off my phone without having a computer to back my photos up to. #icloudwhyyousohard!?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>October, I see you in the sunsets & the chill you bring. Here's to seeing you from beaches, mountain tops. & all the spaces in between.</i></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-56319237147786836262015-09-11T16:24:00.001+08:002015-09-11T16:24:55.355+08:00september<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLxLEEaeYBuj4lSWzj6Mpc9tqt4Y9KSC_a9WXAQy0-G00AmBk1g4kyXnHlLxdoXbReE-ymBNBE1oNXVGvNgOHpgqhEHojjLSM1czBfyHq-8IuCQrwf0fSGsTHNb8pFKkgWtTQ1cWm0da0/s1600/septlxl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLxLEEaeYBuj4lSWzj6Mpc9tqt4Y9KSC_a9WXAQy0-G00AmBk1g4kyXnHlLxdoXbReE-ymBNBE1oNXVGvNgOHpgqhEHojjLSM1czBfyHq-8IuCQrwf0fSGsTHNb8pFKkgWtTQ1cWm0da0/s640/septlxl.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>one of the final sunsets witnessed in Chongqing.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>STARTING</i> || to make new friends in Chengdu. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>FINISHING</i> || a season of taking the bus to leave my neighborhood every day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>MAKING</i> || lots of stri-frys because the baby oven didn't make the move.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING </i>|| INTERNET.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>READING</i> || <i>The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle </i>by Haruki Murakami </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || rain falling on all the walking city dwellers that I can see from my window.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LISTENING TO || </i>The Well/Aware podcast. Really fresh stuff.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || My flyknits daily because the groceries aren't going to walk themselves home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>EATING</i> || All the mango I can get my hands on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || Peppermint tea before bed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || how to enjoy really long days with a broken computer & no internet (& did I mention it's been raining all of like one day while here!?) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || My forearms stands & meeting new people (during which time I realize that I am actually an introvert & would rather sit in my apartment alone all day.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || on deep breathing. On taking things one day at time. On trying to find the good in bad situations. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || the "where can I get free wi-fi?" game that does not entail a starbucks. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || back & forth to IKEA for storage solutions. #oyvey</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WANTING</i> || to really be <i>ok</i> with owning less. Like, last month I mentioned that less is really good, but being absolutely ok with it is still a lofty goal for me. I still want all the things, pretty much all the time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || on all the glorious things I'm going to do on my new computer that is a mere month away from owning. I am currently typing this on my ipad with a wireless keyboard because my poor macbook is laying in a deconstructed pile on the coffee table. #allthetears</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || for positive, uplifting people to enter my life. For less feelings of inadequacies. For more acceptance of change. For less rain so I can go exploring without my umbrella. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whew. Looking back at last month, I knew that I would regret all that "can't wait till September." talk & yeah, I totally do. I am on my second week with no internet at the new apartment, which, for the first few days was kind of refreshing. Dinner time was spent carried around an actual conversation, we didn't stare at our screens while lounging on the couch before bed. But now, <i>man,</i> those hours of no work & no social life are stacking up fast and I feel all kinds of down without the distractions of the internet world. It's a mixture of things, all under the umbrella of change. I know this isn't forever. It just feels like it at the present moment. Seeing as you will be reading this about halfway into the actual month of September, I can end this on a positive note by saying that October (& my awesome sister/brother in law's visit) is literally around the corner, along with new things that I can get excited about. Just gotta enjoy the slow days in the meantime.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>September, you are making me feel like my life is too fast paced for you. But I will adjust. Slowly.</i> </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-25974593601305226212015-09-04T19:00:00.000+08:002015-09-05T19:03:28.482+08:00controlling perfect <div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU6odEjiTN5OEiT2XayVpqtD4pNKIooSwSSHdwINj-_aX6A4zTwCsmmtEkuOZy7aHpVG438E-6QrIvcS0-Dy7DQjFqwgA984eRJo-EUUIisYQ65zO-jClS0ZQLyUvvwhVLexWA754SBi0/s640/blogger-image-2084587763.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU6odEjiTN5OEiT2XayVpqtD4pNKIooSwSSHdwINj-_aX6A4zTwCsmmtEkuOZy7aHpVG438E-6QrIvcS0-Dy7DQjFqwgA984eRJo-EUUIisYQ65zO-jClS0ZQLyUvvwhVLexWA754SBi0/s640/blogger-image-2084587763.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">perfectionism: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">refusal to accept any standard short of
perfection.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
</span></i><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">This is a
sad truth that I am revealing to you. One that many of you already are fully
aware of.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
I identify with this persona. I strive to avoid all things that are less than
perfect.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Here's the thing. Perfection is relative. Also, "perfectionism" is
sometimes a term that is just a mask for "an obsession with
control."</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Control is something we are constantly told to "let go of." Let go of
the need to be right, let go of the need to do things a very specific, very
structured way. Let go of the expectations & the destination. Focus on the
now, the journey, the loss of things being <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just so</i>. Let it be what makes you up, the body in which you are
living your life in.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
I am someone who is constantly picking a fight. I like to be right. I like to
be right so much that I don't even see myself pushing back toward people I love
until I have already done it & we are looking back on the conversation. I
am refusing to admit that that was what was happening. That I had to be right.
I find all sorts of other things to pin it on, "no, I don't care, I was
simply saying..." </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">No, see,
no. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">You are
becoming wrapped up in that deep drive. That force that refuses to yield. When
life is made up of learning & failures & becoming better, you refuse.
You think because you are "attempting at making yourself better,"
that you actually are. But deep down, at the core of the thing, you are
stubborn & ultimately, right.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Here's my thought. Just stop with the constant movement going on in your brain.
There's a simple answer. Allow the words to settle like dew on blades of grass.
Do not send your ray of heat, like the morning sun, to evaporate that moment of
growth. Everything is not an attack. Everything doesn't have to be defended or
explained. You can allow that moment to wash over you like a fresh tidal wave.
The salt water grazing your skin. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Allow it. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">Allow this
to happen.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Control does ugly things to a person. When they don't allow the control to
recede from their minds, hearts & lips. They become a cage. A hollow shell
that refuses to look in any other direction. I have always done this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i> way. I will always do this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i> way. No, darling, no. Life
doesn't work this way & anyone who tells you that it does is wrong. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Like you. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">You are
wrong. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">Often. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Maybe what you need to allow is the realization that right & wrong is not a
death sentence, or a succession, or a white flag. It does not mean that you
have lost your "perfection." It just makes you look selfish, arrogant
& stagnant. You refuse to grow if you do not allow yourself room to let go
of control. You are standing in the face of it & saying, "yep, I am
refusing to grow because my pride is more important." It doesn't work this
way. You holding on to the sand only makes it push more deeply past your
fingers. You must loosen that grip, dear. It isn't about being a failure,
although that is something that will have to be remedied in different ways, but
releasing the all-encompassing need for control. To be cliche & <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">let it go</i> is the only way to
welcome in the growth you so strongly desire. You must change to allow the
change to occur. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
You aren't going to like it all the time. You will fight it in your head. You
will make a snarky comment, or smirk, or be passive aggressive. You will want
to overcome those split-second responses. And the most beautiful part is, you
can. Just take a breath, look out into the distance, see the wave breaking
& welcome it in with open arms. The crash may feel overwhelming, but the
aftermath will be sweet. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Don't stop there. Let the waves keep crashing over you. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">Allow it. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">Don't try
to control the waves. You simply can not. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">You are in
a special place, love. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "PT Sans Narrow"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt;">Just slow
it all down until you have no choice but to let go of the desire to fight.</span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-3663769314569071872015-08-21T18:00:00.000+08:002015-08-21T18:00:05.290+08:00change.<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU39_uOhwuygMC35noSczqqFP6sGa7dk3rvacJmiscaAzX5LARaGols7eO7E2Ss3F4ETygeXYVVYT83fi8oi6e0-52GncH2lAZeBZEHNYjnJ9FuUcKUB2sRMDzDmyD6gMO-bCgaqBe8FQ/s640/blogger-image-125379185.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU39_uOhwuygMC35noSczqqFP6sGa7dk3rvacJmiscaAzX5LARaGols7eO7E2Ss3F4ETygeXYVVYT83fi8oi6e0-52GncH2lAZeBZEHNYjnJ9FuUcKUB2sRMDzDmyD6gMO-bCgaqBe8FQ/s640/blogger-image-125379185.jpg" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
There's a shift in my surroundings lately. I'm picking up all the things I've collected over the past two years, or have travelled with across continents & oceans. I am getting rid of a lot of things, purging my closet of all the cast offs that were purchased without really giving thought to its needlessness.<br />
<br />
I'm spending longer moments in the morning just taking in my surroundings. I am the most habitual create of habit in this wild kingdom. I enjoy routine, I enjoy systems, I enjoy the comfort of knowing what will happen next in my day. I make a very big effort to plan out the details so I have full control over all the possible outcomes. If I do this, then this may happen. Or may not happen. Ok. I need to be prepared for both. & when I'm not, I feel lost & incredibly grouchy.<br />
<br />
Change is this for me. I feel lost & foggy. Like I can't get my thoughts together to start the day because I don't have a routine. I don't have structure to my existence.<br />
<br />
This is something that is coming for me. Change in a big way.<br />
<br />
I am moving to a new city in less than two weeks. I've been to this city a few times now, trying to get a small grasp at what is to come - how I will structure my life in this place. Fully formed with all it's foreign people - it's groups & circles. It's spinning wheel of normalcy, for so many.<br />
<br />
I have moments when I am soaking up my morning, with my warm cup of coffee in my hand, looking out onto the quiet courtyard beyond the balcony. Birds joining in unison as the breeze sweeps hair into my face. I feel this comfort of knowing that mornings are this. They are slow steps walking across the wooden floor of the open space in this studio apartment. Yoga on the big windowsill. The dining room table, my desk. Hot baths when I need to think. Moving furniture to pack my yoga students in twice a week. Watercolor paints on the floor late at night when I need to release my thoughts. Steam rising through the kitchen when making tea, that fogs the balcony window in the living room. Afternoon naps on the long length of the couch, sleeping in an L shape because it helps to block the sunlight from my closed eyes. Running up the flights of stairs in the open space inside the building. The small rooftop landing that overlooks the neighborhood & downtown in the distance. Getting glances from the lady who takes out the trash - I always wonder what she is secretly thinking as she mops the floor outside our front door. Hanging damp clothing on our rack next to the hanging plants. Overlooking the dozen other buildings with clothing hanging on their balconies. The hushed distant sound of the buses and cars moving across the river. The way the table creaks when I am writing on it. The weight of our front door as I pull it closed behind me. The dim light that warms this space. This city that has taught me to be better, less reactive & more responsive.<br />
<br />
I feel like there are many things about picking up & moving that will only produce more beautiful change, more opportunities to grow & more space to create. I know that no one loves change. We like comfort. We like to know that we can hold on to something & it won't disintegrate in our hands. It's just that initial moment of separation. That driving away from our home in the moving truck and knowing you may never be here again. That longing for all those moments you took for granted. I am feeling nostalgic for the present.<br />
<br />
Reminder:<br />
Nothing is forever.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-68570303692616109602015-08-07T11:00:00.000+08:002015-08-08T10:04:36.268+08:00august<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSe5QEKb9V8dhIDzCEBgZO9F_jqAgfKk9qbBtQmXVehHJg4Q9Tv2CrbVpgqqokRgfyOMSQrPrcKKeIls02RayQ9sOQBEbHYcQ1oVx27qw_nijs94tzt98lsttAHN8eP8dmfeExyDuIDX8/s640/blogger-image-1966555070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSe5QEKb9V8dhIDzCEBgZO9F_jqAgfKk9qbBtQmXVehHJg4Q9Tv2CrbVpgqqokRgfyOMSQrPrcKKeIls02RayQ9sOQBEbHYcQ1oVx27qw_nijs94tzt98lsttAHN8eP8dmfeExyDuIDX8/s640/blogger-image-1966555070.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>No filter image of downtown Chongqing. Yes, those are crystal clear blue skies. </i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || the last full week of living in the same apartment as Jeremy until September. Prepare for blog post overload.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">FINISHING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || cleaning out the closets. Goodbye shoes.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">MAKING </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">|| this month count, down to the last day. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING</i> || slower days. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">READING </i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">||<i> the girl on the train</i>, by Paula Hawkins</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || mostly suits, with an occasional elementary thrown in the mix.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LISTENING TO</i> || IAMBEAR & Odesza</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || moisture wicking everything. The world is a sauna.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">EATING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || Baked peaches & coffee dark chocolate (found on mega sale!! #winning.) </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || coconut water.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || to shake anxieties.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || my splits. One day, you will be mine.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || on yoga playlists & the best way to keep the dust bunnies from multiplying as I pack. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || "how much work can I squeeze into my day before I leave Chongqing?" </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || to Chengdu, many <i>many</i> times. I will be a train traveling pro by the time this is over.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">WANTING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || less. Moving makes you realize how little you actually need.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || how we'll decorate the new place. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || for this month to be seamless & as stress-free as moving to another city in China can be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Whirlwinds, galore! Moving is crazy! Why did I buy this? How am I going to pack this? Can it be September now?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All spoken, all more than once. </span><br />
<br />
<i>August, may your craziness remind me that I have a life that is crazy good & to be thankful for it.</i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-70665153529764785792015-07-13T10:42:00.000+08:002015-07-13T10:57:02.682+08:00A moment - on the metro<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFjVgwiG0c1H4Zr4JBBS-nhC4MZ1wK6VDQtwcnzDNv72n-GbeApGLgr2ja94dd6B-fi2Uo53bVbXpkJjlWJOmb0V685AiXWq7PKmBuMeSzvpXSKGH8iUxIQTf3HvhPfoMxhcwRrq5JARE/s640/blogger-image--161030522.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="standing on the metro in china" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFjVgwiG0c1H4Zr4JBBS-nhC4MZ1wK6VDQtwcnzDNv72n-GbeApGLgr2ja94dd6B-fi2Uo53bVbXpkJjlWJOmb0V685AiXWq7PKmBuMeSzvpXSKGH8iUxIQTf3HvhPfoMxhcwRrq5JARE/s640/blogger-image--161030522.jpg" title="metro ride" /></a></div>
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Swarms of faded shoes & knock offs.</div>
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Open toed sandals & cropped pants.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: left;">
I am lost in a book. A world I have escaped to.</div>
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I peek over the edge of the words from time to time.</div>
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I see the crowd of people, they come and they go.</div>
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Footprints marking steel grey floors.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: left;">
The heat of the day coming to rest on the covering of skin, close to my own.</div>
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Shifting bodies - movement as we are jostled on this subway car.</div>
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Strangers among strangers.</div>
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I am transported between this in between space and this different reality.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: left;">
Time is shifting in both places. I am feeling it like two trains, passing each other at high speeds.</div>
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Crossing lines between real & unreal.</div>
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Blurring lights, chatter & millions of tiny conversations.</div>
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Echoing through cell phones & whispered into ears.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13.1999998092651px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: left;">
Our heads are all close together, as if by some transferring paper, we are translating to each other without words.</div>
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I can hear distant music coming though my headphones. It is hushed, as if it knows that the world has so much to say. It doesn't overpower or try to conceal.</div>
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I feel the heaviness of the words that are escaping lips & fingers. So many stories, emerging messages all around me.</div>
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A masking of reality. Like a novel on a train.</div>
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Blurring lights passing in the dark.</div>
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</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-17751767107420122742015-07-08T09:49:00.000+08:002015-07-08T09:49:31.270+08:00july<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDQI1eJtduXVgfHXCwvnfMPp7i93aiHi-YQlcwiaemppFD-aSU4HvJAZ2NE1rngHwZQJjJEGogtMVL_MHqzghp-T0lQf9Srelh6lyxAHH-qA8m7ZCFKcIxD2ZPqW-VJqn2KgEdmo3SC_I/s640/blogger-image-780441372.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDQI1eJtduXVgfHXCwvnfMPp7i93aiHi-YQlcwiaemppFD-aSU4HvJAZ2NE1rngHwZQJjJEGogtMVL_MHqzghp-T0lQf9Srelh6lyxAHH-qA8m7ZCFKcIxD2ZPqW-VJqn2KgEdmo3SC_I/s640/blogger-image-780441372.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>sunset from south mountain, chongqing</i></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || the daunting task of packing up all our belongings in preparation for our next move. (<i>!!!!)</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">FINISHING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || up a season in this crazy city.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">MAKING </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">|| cold-brewed iced coffees</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING</i> || a trip out of this country. I can't believe I haven't stepped foot outside of China for almost a year. (what.)</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">READING </i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">||<i> <a href="http://www.happysleepyfolks.com/journal/" target="_blank">this</a> </i>blog, and <i><a href="http://www.megfee.com/" target="_blank">this</a> </i>blog. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || hahahaha, new girl reruns. Also, true detective but I'm not really that impressed with it yet.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LISTENING TO</i> || tep no & ta-ku</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || the lightest material clothing I can get my hands on. #3showersaday</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">EATING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || LYCHEE. Obsessed. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || grapefruit juice & soda water. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || to find beauty in the small moments.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || stretches to go with my earlier morning wake ups.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || on the mental prep that will be needed for restarting in a whole new city. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || constant catch-up with life these past few weeks. I feel like everything is moving in a constant blur.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || to Chengdu, our soon to be city, to scope out apartments & the like.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">WANTING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || an entire day with </span></span><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">absolutely</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> <i>nothing</i> on the agenda.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || all the things I'm gonna do with all the free time I'll have come September. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || for some exploration & adventures this month. A change of scenery would be good for my soul.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sorry for the late post, it's been a crazy month. All the kids are out of school here which equates to ALL THE ENGLISH TUTORING. Super fun times. Super busy fun times. So, hopefully things start to slow down soon so I can, you know, move. I hope July is finding you happy, and healthy & with a little bit more of a tan than I currently have. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>July, you are a beautiful reminder to find stillness & enjoy the sunrises.</i></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-11810631663869043302015-06-25T19:52:00.000+08:002015-07-08T09:51:22.584+08:00this city<div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Chongqing. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You are a great city. So vast, so expansive. So new, towering concrete skeletons pressed up against grey skies. Historical, brimming with the old. the rivers run together & weave their way through this vast country. Your greatness is just beginning to flourish, plans & work in preparation for even bigger & better. You are a maze of streets, hills & mountains. You are levels & fog. You are a visceral hum. You are sharpening patience. You are new stresses & challenges. You are dirty, crowded & stubborn. You are a valley in between great walls of hills & mountains. You are sheets of rain falling for days. You are a haze shielding the sun. You are humid, sweat beading on my upper lip. You are brushes against strangers, noisy subway cars, children screaming in the streets. You are quiet moments, night time walks with the crickets & the frogs. You are the swarm of mosquitoes that crave. You are the sleepless nights, lights from opposite towers streaming in windows. You are infrequent breezes, air so heavy; a tangible thickness. You are pride, you are struggle. You are change, you are progress, you are forward motion. You are spicy, red peppers in oil. You are bridges and tunnels. You are subway tracks running along river banks. You are uphill walks. You are incredible moments of beauty. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You are forgotten by many, but loved by many more.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-11278310697945489642015-06-18T10:42:00.000+08:002015-06-18T10:42:17.695+08:00cages.<div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
rain is dripping steadily off the eaves of our building.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
a stream of water falling to the earth, watering the ground, the life that blossoms & yields.</div>
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I awoke this mornings feeling heavy.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
like my bones literally had weights attached to them - my ribs refusing to expand.</div>
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short breaths gasped in the morning light.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I got angry last night, I yelled.</div>
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I try to speak & find that I have lost my voice.</div>
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I wouldn't surrender, I was refusing.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I find that the rain watering the earth this morning is my lesson.</div>
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you can not grow without the water.</div>
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you may think you can, love, but you can't.</div>
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you will dry up & wither. you will stretch out your leaves turned brown & think you've got it all together. but you need the rain. you need to surrender. you need to be renewed, reminded. you need to let down the walls of pride that you build like a cage. you believe that it will protect you, that you are above it all - but it only ensnares you, wrapping you up in a reality that is so distant from the truth. you need the rain. you need to destroy the cage.</div>
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<br /></div>
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stop fighting the rain, love.</div>
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stop fighting.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-29862841347129403442015-06-01T19:00:00.000+08:002015-06-01T19:00:00.658+08:00june<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8GzeTseJULficsrmub7a_D-QVxvzqPBNoISS8_Qdf0Gcm4eu-EOSlF2FEJ68nMNieA7TmN7DEXCeJmbgjVOSAHJ4-b8NuzmY2DpuN6dKGY-4hf_MkSyvuKwgiLK4n9shkZrE9LbF-aU4/s1600/IMG_0868.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8GzeTseJULficsrmub7a_D-QVxvzqPBNoISS8_Qdf0Gcm4eu-EOSlF2FEJ68nMNieA7TmN7DEXCeJmbgjVOSAHJ4-b8NuzmY2DpuN6dKGY-4hf_MkSyvuKwgiLK4n9shkZrE9LbF-aU4/s640/IMG_0868.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>from our anniversary trip : the beauty that is jiuzhaigou</i></td></tr>
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<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || to wish our AC functioned properly. I truly believe it's possessed & refuses to work at the change of any season.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">FINISHING</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || all my YTT post-training </span></span><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">required</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> reading. All that's left is the final. Wooooo.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; text-align: right;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">MAKING </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">|| mediterranean </span></span><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">omelets</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> as often as possible. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING</i> || a tan.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">READING </i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">||<i> 1Q84 </i>by Haruki Murakami. (he is my new obsession author.)</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || the fall now that I have a giant mad men sized hole in my heart.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LISTENING TO</i> || san holo & alabama shakes </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || mostly athletic wear because it's a jungle out there. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">EATING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || loads of watermelon. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || iced teas. I also happened to notice that <i>la croix</i> sparking water is now carried at the international grocery store. So, cheers to that.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || to take things one day at a time. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || earlier wake ups.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || on drastically upping my water intake. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || the hair vs. humidity game. I kind of wonder why I even try to style it, because lets be real. It just stays in a giant knot on top of my head from wash to wash.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || to Wulong for a short trip. The place I used to see on google images when I'd search for Chongqing......</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WANTING</i> || more slow days of coffee & him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || this fall's tour around china trip, part two, with Amy & Cameron. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || for more facetime chats with besties. They truly are the <i>best</i>.</span><br />
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Bring on the sun shiny goodness, June! I'm ready.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-19936477615939226742015-05-26T16:45:00.001+08:002015-05-26T16:47:29.259+08:00lately<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>homework vs blog reading at starbucks </i>| <i>morning coffee</i> | <i>weekend brunch (the best.)</i> </div>
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<i>gardenias (that sadly = a massive sneeze fest) </i>| <i>fried eggs & spinach</i> | <i>street fruit sellers</i></div>
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<i>my chongqing bestie who just moved to melbourne </i>| <i>waiting for the metro </i>| <i>pancakes & peaches</i></div>
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<i>the perfect white summer dress (high five, zara) </i>| <i>flowers in alleyways</i> | <i>lunch break solitude</i></div>
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I'm trying to blog more, I really am.</div>
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I feel like I have a lot of different directions I want this blog to take, but for now - enjoy the snapshots from my phone while I try to sort out the real reason I am here.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-28536797643689902062015-05-21T18:30:00.000+08:002015-05-21T18:30:01.213+08:00expat existence<div>
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life is a funny thing, sometimes.<br />
<br />
we seek excitement, or change, only to feel overwhelmed by it when it hits us.<br />
<br />
I wonder sometimes what the last few chapters of my "season in china" will look like.<br />
<br />
My existence in this state can feel like a current flowing, back & forth. I don't always know what I'm doing where I am, or how I'm supposed to handle the things the present flow of life is throwing my way. I get restless, I feel caged, and I start to drown under the weight of all of it.<br />
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Perception does a lot to someone when they actually take the moment to reflect on the space it inhabits. I read a book about someone who's mother got cancer & the distress that created, and I shudder to think that I've ever complained about my life or living situation. As if I have any room for that when I am healthy & breathing.<br />
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I find I am frequently getting lost in identifying the most important things in my life. I feel pulled in various directions because of stigma's & expectations. I want to lead a healthy life here, mimicking the life I lead back home, where whole food's was close by, juice bars on every other corner, and the ability to run in fresh air were at my outstretched fingertips. The <i>ability</i> to choose those options because they were in my face constantly. There was no battle, I could just <i>go & do. </i>China has created a swirling vortex of challenges when it comes to my perception of health. I've had to get creative with my diet & exercise, and the motivation to stick with the things that have become so regimented in my life, so normal. So natural.<br />
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The expat life isn't one where you stick to the things you are used to. You may be able to find moments of familiarity; little gems hidden in pockets of a place. A juice bar that opens in your neighborhood, or a new sports store with yoga mats & hiking shoes available. But they are glimmers of what was once so easy in striving toward a healthy lifestyle.<br />
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I am so determined to stay healthy while I am here, that I jeopardize social connections (as they usually revolve around a mass meal of heavily oiled chinese food, or copious amounts of [sometimes fake] alcohol.) I usually choose to stay home & practice yoga or read a book than to go out and indulge in that lifestyle. It's a conundrum that I've been dealing with since I arrived. Few people, if any that I've met, have even a drop of desire to work towards a healthy lifestyle beyond trying a diet to shed a few pounds for an upcoming trip, or abstaining from drinking because it's lent. I choose to eat food I cook at home because I feel better about knowing what I'm putting inside my body, so it challenges the social aspect of "finding friends" in this city I live in. It's as if "health" has <i>almost</i> no place here.<br />
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This is a challenge that I am hoping to remedy, I'm just not sure how to go about doing that. I feel out of place amongst the community of people who come here to have a good time & go out frequently.<br />
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Do I care too much? Am I living too stringently to allow life to happen & experience things that are new and rewarding? I fight daily with these feelings of health physically vs. potential health mentally - but I still fail to connect with others on a more intimate level. I crave real conversations that aren't just about weekend plans.<br />
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I want to work toward finding the balance without losing myself to one of the major things that I feel good about & that makes me happy - my health.<br />
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When you are so far removed from most of the things you enjoy - all the comforts of home, all the "easy" ways to connect - you cling to the things that fill you with those same feelings here. But man, do I often feel torn.<br />
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Find the balance, girl. You've got to find the balance.<br />
<br />
Fitness & health are so strongly tied into my overall happiness & feelings of well being. It is hard for me to gain as much pleasure from eating a greasy meal with a few friends over sweating in the sun while doing sprints by the river. They are too totally different experiences - I would ordinarily choose the workout over the social stimulation. This makes me a little sad to think about now, as I am typing this.<br />
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What is more important, health or friendship?<br />
<br />
Aren't they both equally something of value?<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-53218398925764734962015-05-04T20:00:00.000+08:002015-05-04T20:00:09.947+08:00two years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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there really are no words to describe it, because i never would have thought i could love someone more than i did that day, but it is true. i love you more than the day i walked down that aisle toward you. i love you more than the first i love you, or the hundredth or the thousandth. </div>
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waking up next to you each day is a gift, having someone as encouraging & supportive as you inspiring me to be a better person, your arms that envelope me in warm morning hugs. your hand that always finds mine. i am always in awe of how God has so richly blessed me with you. you are an anchor, a soft whisper, a home. </div>
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you have all of me, my love. i am so happy to be your wife.</div>
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<i>xo, dani</i></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-47345398481447422302015-05-01T18:00:00.000+08:002015-05-01T18:00:10.168+08:00may<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || to take lots of night time walks with Jeremy. Balmy air in the darkness is a favorite.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>FINISHING</i> || the serial podcast. Those were the moments when I wished for longer commutes. (He totally did it, btw.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>MAKING </i>|| more time for meditation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>CRAVING</i> || the beach. Due to some unfortunate visa business, that's the farthest from where I'll be this month.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">READING </i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">||<i> Norwegian Wood </i>by Haruki Murakami. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || Scandal. I hate to admit that. I am pretty hooked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LISTENING TO</i> || lady crush <a href="https://play.spotify.com/user/1262579791" target="_blank">Irene Pappas's</a> mixes on spotify. Pure gold. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || flip flops for long days & regretting it when my feet are BLACK by the time I get home. #butmyfeetaresohot </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">EATING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || so much fresh pineapple. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || cold pressed juices from the new juice bar near by on splurgey days.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || how to take rest days. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || patience with my computer, who is old, slow & full. Especially on days like today when I dare try to do more than one thing at a time. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING</i> || on watering my plants daily. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || the "lets see how long I can go without coffee" game. I usually lose. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || to Chengdu & Jiuzhaigou for our 2 year Anniversary. I'm just gonna lay on a bench there & pretend I'm on a beach.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>WANTING</i> || citronella candles for our balcony.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>PLANNING</i> || on watching a whole lotta mindless movies & TV while riding a bus 8 hours (each way) this weekend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>HOPING</i> || for a bomb-tastic anni trip & exciting few weeks to follow. Summer is coming!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">May, you bring so much happiness.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-70180392369372781292015-04-23T19:00:00.000+08:002015-04-23T19:30:28.885+08:00spring<div>
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<br />
A few weeks ago (realistically, it was more like over a month ago.) Jeremy & I went on a day trip out of the city with a friend of ours who's son I teach English to. She had been telling us about the flowers in the country side and how the air is so incredible at this time of year. So, we took the hour drive out of Chongqing's busy city and climbed up some small hills to take in the beauty of the season.<br />
<br />
At the top of one of these hills was a plot of land being tended by a few local farmers. My friend, who's English name is Irene, asked them if we could purchase some of their vegetables. We spent some time picking some organic leafy greens to take back to the city with us.<br />
<br />
It smelled like magic during our walk. The air had a crispness to it that I hadn't smelled in a long time. Taking in the Chinese countryside is something I get excited about. Seeing little villages nestled in the hills, farmers picking their spring crop of vegetables, stray dogs sleeping under big trees. Flower petals dusting the old cracked sidewalks. Ducks and chickens mingling around small yards. It is a such a welcome respite from the busy city.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-34778808873047658462015-04-02T16:09:00.002+08:002015-04-02T16:09:40.910+08:00april<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<i style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">STARTING</i><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> || to feel much more like myself after months of clouds. Sunshine is truly like medicine.</span></div>
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<i>FINISHING</i> || a series of yoga classes for my YTT - one more requirement down!</div>
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<i>MAKING </i>|| plans for my balcony. I'm thinking a little wooden table, some flower pots & some string lights. </div>
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<i>CRAVING</i> || some crumbly blue stilton. I'm way overdue for a cheese plate.</div>
<i style="font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow';">READING </i><span style="font-family: PT Sans Narrow;">|| <i>Brain on Fire</i> by Susannah Cahalan (just finished & it was so good.) & <i>I</i></span><i style="font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow';">nfidel</i><span style="font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"> by Ayaan Hirsi Ali </span><br />
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<i>WATCHING</i> || a very wide mixture of things. Getting excited for the last season of Mad Men & the return of GOT.</div>
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<i>LISTENING TO</i> || springtime birdies outside my windows.</div>
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<i>WEARING</i> || my hair in a top knot constantly because 200% humidity.</div>
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<i>EATING</i> || avocados. I decided that I didn't care that they cost the equivalent of $5 USD per. </div>
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<i>DRINKING</i> || mango milk when I'm feeling fancy.</div>
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<i>LEARNING</i> || how to keep up with laundry when you have no dryer & limited air-drying space.</div>
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<i>PRACTICING</i> || the act of being present & finding happiness in the fact that I'm alive. </div>
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<i>WORKING</i> || on ESL lesson plans for daaaaays.</div>
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<i>PLAYING</i> || <span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">FKA twigs & Chet Faker</span></div>
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<i>TRAVELING</i> || just around my city this month. But next month! 2 year anniversary destination TBD!</div>
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<i>WANTING</i> || the ability to find jeans that fit properly in this country of non-athletic woman. Womp.</div>
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<i>PLANNING</i> || the husband's birthday weekend extravaganza!!!</div>
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<i>HOPING</i> || for many more sunny days ahead. & maybe a slight bit of color to my very pale skin.</div>
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The month of springtime weather (or something. It was in the 90's this entire week.) & Jeremy's birthday, which just so happens to fall on a three-day weekend. Couldn't be better than that!</div>
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April, you are the start to so much.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-12091308724210114142015-03-16T18:30:00.000+08:002015-03-16T18:41:10.910+08:00night time.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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sometimes I find myself in a very quiet place.<br />
<div>
the apartment is still, the heater off now that winter has shed it's thick layers & the sunshine is making its appearance, warming the day.</div>
<div>
The sounds of gentle rhythms & soft voices are hushed whispers in the background as I play something to fill the silence.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I get really introspective & I ponder a great deal.</div>
<div>
I boil water.</div>
<div>
steep strong tea.</div>
<div>
I allow my thoughts to sway in their watery home, as the waves of the day come to a lull & I start to tally up the score in my mind.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How many things did I accomplish, how many things did I leave undone.</div>
<div>
What did I succeed in & what could I have done better in.<br />
When could I have focused on the good, instead of clinging to the bad like a security blanket. </div>
<div>
What challenges did I flee from, pushing my way in the other direction.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I find myself in these moments.</div>
<div>
My mind is not still - I plead with it to quiet it's restlessness for just a few moments.</div>
<div>
I allow myself to focus on my breath.</div>
<div>
The rising & falling of my chest.</div>
<div>
I return to this sensation.</div>
<div>
The breath that has been given to me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I banish the thoughts from my mind that stir up chaos.</div>
<div>
They create a swell of unrest.</div>
<div>
I shift in my seat, my tea is steaming in it's sterling blue mug.</div>
<div>
I take a sip, it is dark & bitter.</div>
<div>
I return to my breath.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Why must I fight with my own thoughts so often?</div>
<div>
You are a disruption, I think to myself.</div>
<div>
I am reminded of so much in these seemingly still moments.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My fingers find these keys, I begin to type these things.</div>
<div>
I don't have a clear cut plan for what I want to say, the words they just come crashing out.</div>
<div>
I want to find some structure to my life that involves getting my hands a little dirty.</div>
<div>
That allows room for mistakes & trials that will teach me to grow.</div>
<div>
I push those things aside so quickly, to make room for the things I like or am good at.</div>
<div>
Why do I feel so stuck, I ask myself.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's because you have forgotten to allow yourself room to make mistakes.</div>
<div>
To learn, to breathe a new breath - one that is not calculated, or precise.</div>
<div>
Just freely flowing, creating space where there once was none.</div>
<div>
The discomfort is only temporary, I tell myself.</div>
<div>
The real victory is overcoming the moments when I feel like I can't try.</div>
<div>
When I am scared to look over the edge & see a mountain of my failures.</div>
<div>
Is it really that scary?</div>
<div>
Aren't we all just giant mistake makers, who prance around acting like we've got it together?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
There is a slight chill to the room now. I stretch out my legs beneath the table. The warmth of the tea sends a slight shiver down my spine. I hold the mug in my hands and shift the dark amber liquid from side to side, like a boat making small movements on the sea.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You need to be renewed, I say.</div>
<div>
You need to have faith.</div>
<div>
You need to trust that there is a reason for all these things.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I roll my head around on it's neck, stretching the ligaments & tendons.</div>
<div>
Reminding myself to drop my shoulders from cradling my ears as if they we're infants in need of hands to hold up their tiny heads.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know all of these things, I say.</div>
<div>
I know them all so much which is what makes these lulls of stillness almost unbearable.</div>
<div>
I know that I need to make the choice to do the hard things.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I just don't want to.</div>
<div>
I feel the anxiety in the ocean of my mind begin to toss up its current.</div>
<div>
The driving force which causes me to stand up & walk around the room.</div>
<div>
I know all of these things, I know them to my core.</div>
<div>
So why is it so hard to make the choice to change?</div>
<div>
Why it is so damn hard?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The screen is staring back at me. The question mark a silent taunt.</div>
<div>
There is no answer being projected on the screen. There is no directions manual.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Life is a giant whirlwind of choices, mistakes, failures & triumphs. They can't all be triumphs just as they can't all be failures.</div>
<div>
It doesn't have to be one or the other.</div>
<div>
It's time to find the balance.<br />
<br />
I am a ship destined to move about on these stormy waters.<br />
I am not meant to sit silently moored to my dock.<br />
No movement, no crashing waves.<br />
Nothing that challenges me or makes me try harder to hold it together.<br />
I was not meant for this, I say.<br />
I am meant for greater things, if I would allow them to manifest in my life instead of pushing them all away.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The music has stopped.</div>
<div>
It has stopped a long time ago.</div>
<div>
I just realized this as I stopped typing, and the silence completely envelopes me.</div>
<div>
<br />
Let it go, I say.</div>
<div>
It doesn't have to be this way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-53975313527848524832015-03-02T18:53:00.003+08:002015-03-02T18:58:10.237+08:00march<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk59CJavEzzC0WOtQvz78UgpmsEubn0tPN3SgHhz3_mlLBFMgEF2yJFkY-we5TomXI5GzdTBrx2ZdDXGc2SCvlE3rxhIlbU2KHFC2AuHLMBK3EZSq7iIIgIjk3Hv4GhUjgOIUYTxKXZ34/s1600/IMG_0845.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk59CJavEzzC0WOtQvz78UgpmsEubn0tPN3SgHhz3_mlLBFMgEF2yJFkY-we5TomXI5GzdTBrx2ZdDXGc2SCvlE3rxhIlbU2KHFC2AuHLMBK3EZSq7iIIgIjk3Hv4GhUjgOIUYTxKXZ34/s1600/IMG_0845.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />EATING</i> || home-cooked goodness after two weeks with no kitchen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || Hazelnut 8 o'clock coffee brought over from home. I never thought I'd be so happy to see that little red bag.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || digital calligraphy so hardcore that I gave myself a neck ache last night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>MASTERING</i> || how to actually use my new bamboo stylus. Kiiiiinda obsessed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || that it's ok to be wrong. It's so hard, you guys. Pride is a jerkface.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || with all filters as I edit the eleventy billion photos I took during our massive tour of China.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>FINISHING</i> || lot's of books from the many hours on planes & trains.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>READING</i> || <i>red sparrow</i> by Jason Matthews<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || All the houses of cards. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life once I finish season 3.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WALKING</i> || in the cold, in the snow, in the rain & in the wind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || whatever smells the least dirty as I wash my entire wardrobe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>COOKING</i> || anything that doesn't resemble Chinese food.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING </i>|| on making my blog pretty. Also, new fonts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || to the lake by my house for some morning runs. The air quality is <i>finally</i> getting low enough to spend time outside.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WANTING</i> || to have more of a desire to start studying Chinese again after taking two weeks off. Don't. wanna.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;">this month has been a whole lot of crazy traveling, which means I haven't really been in any sort of habit of doing for like three weeks. I am super excited that we returned home to slightly warmer temps than just about everywhere we traveled to & the air quality is consistently the lowest I've seen it in months. Which makes me pretty much the happiest person alive. Now if only the sun would come out.... </span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Yeah, I'm probably asking for too much.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
March is going to bring about some magic, I can feel it.</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-7348164020441206622015-02-27T11:46:00.000+08:002015-02-28T16:34:08.657+08:0028 things.<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEAGF0HWWrp-gpPavUeXmS0K_m6nPoyImeTWsBgEv9M7lgctM9YEYgt4vwn4VeZEDu64uqwmRHJIgz42EBinSG5GwNzFe1CPdnu_-O2rrrS0OOa2Adk3pPo67S8aSnswURMZAy1_2isDw/s1600/IMG_1499.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEAGF0HWWrp-gpPavUeXmS0K_m6nPoyImeTWsBgEv9M7lgctM9YEYgt4vwn4VeZEDu64uqwmRHJIgz42EBinSG5GwNzFe1CPdnu_-O2rrrS0OOa2Adk3pPo67S8aSnswURMZAy1_2isDw/s1600/IMG_1499.jpeg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. I woke up this morning in a king sized hotel bed in Shanghai.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">2. My husband has a tendency to wish me a happy birthday about 20 times before we've even eaten breakfast. & I LOVE it so much that he does that.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">3. Jeremy & I have a tradition of making each other really elaborate brunch's for each other's birthdays. This is the first year I can remember that we weren't able to.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">4. I had an amazing donut from Baker & Spice for second breakfast (it may even have been elevensies...)</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">5. If I had my choice I would choose warm donuts over cake.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">6. <span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">Carvel ice-cream cake was my favorite cake flavor until I realized you could just have donuts for your birthday instead. (or both.)</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">7. My dear husband took me to the only lululemon in all of China to get me my first ever legit yoga mat (that won't disintegrate into a million pieces after each use.)</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">8. Also, LLL is crazy stupid expensive. Over $100 USD for a pair of yoga pants? Cray.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">9. I got to have a little taste of my favorite fast food from home at Mex & Co, one of the only chipotle-esque burrito bars in Shanghai. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">10. Fact: I think that if I could eat only one food for the rest of my life, it would be chipotle burritos.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">11. For my thirteenth birthday I had a sleepover party & my mom made a cake that looked like girls sleeping in sleeping bags. It was one of the most memorable cakes I ever had.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">12. I refuse to check my facebook until the day after my birthday, so I get hit with a wall of happy messages all at once.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">13. I hate telling people what sort of gift I want. I would rather just be given something that is meaningful & a total surprise.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">14. <span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">When I was little, I wanted to celebrate my birthday in the summer because February rarely had nice warm days for outdoor parties.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">15. I had a riveting conversation with Jeremy about the time of year I want our kids to be born - and the vote is anything but Winter. (see 14.)</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">16. I've never had a surprise party but it's something I've always wanted.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">17. I ate the most insane cheeseburger with all the things imaginable topped on it for birthday dinner with Jer's parents - and it was heaven.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">18. Also, red velvet cupcake.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">19. </span><span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">The lead singer of my favorite high school band, Mae, has the same birthday as me.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">20. One of my favorite birthday memories was spending my 21st in NYC (my first time ever being there,) with two of my best friends. We went to at least 5 different places that night & it was an amazing time.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">21. One year, one of my friends surprised me by decorating the front door of my apartment & leaving a giant cupcake for me to find after a night at school.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">22. I have successfully taken every birthday off from work for as long as I can remember. I had to go to a very full day of school on my birthday two years ago & I wanted nothing more than to skip, but because I had perfect attendance in all my classes up to that point, I chose to go. (perfectionist, much?)</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">23. <span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">I don't like to open my presents until the very end of the day - I enjoy the anticipation.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">24. For my tenth birthday I got a purple ten-speed mountain bike and I didn't know I could get any happier than the moment I first rode it around my block.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">25. I don't like happy birthday being sung to me. I feel awkward the entire time & can't wait for it to be over. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">26<span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">. Although, when I was little, I would sing the Happy Birthday song to myself, but I called myself "Danulls."</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">27. The only person outside my immediate family that I would call every year on their birthday (before moving to China) was my childhood friend, Justin.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">28. The perfect ending to a birthday? Curling up on the couch to watch House of Cards season 3.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyE6o3_UpTNvWOhm9djE7pYECsDSkqPCMD569qeCQv444QF_MEwNnULHzMXUeTnfxuilARV1vPw2XWNkkeaJWTG_TlEQbdycbx7YE_qE_nYB2Vpc5wsmquI5yJPGpm47Y-AyycCp-cb4I/s1600/IMG_9790_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyE6o3_UpTNvWOhm9djE7pYECsDSkqPCMD569qeCQv444QF_MEwNnULHzMXUeTnfxuilARV1vPw2XWNkkeaJWTG_TlEQbdycbx7YE_qE_nYB2Vpc5wsmquI5yJPGpm47Y-AyycCp-cb4I/s1600/IMG_9790_2.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">28. <i><b>here's to you.</b></i></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-68886664718056143052015-02-04T18:00:00.000+08:002015-02-04T18:00:09.721+08:00february<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieoGFf2KXdNV79m993zYmaEsXorBFazeV-7Cj36cX2ntHBudibjNIWYbAliDCq7ZcA3bTgBKSAqMw8Aer-HJgSxS17-zDEhniX3xs6ddVAKerQT3JPvMOU1kpHoI37saKl9ApSmXhgBTc/s1600/FEB15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieoGFf2KXdNV79m993zYmaEsXorBFazeV-7Cj36cX2ntHBudibjNIWYbAliDCq7ZcA3bTgBKSAqMw8Aer-HJgSxS17-zDEhniX3xs6ddVAKerQT3JPvMOU1kpHoI37saKl9ApSmXhgBTc/s1600/FEB15.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>EATING</i> || various chinese dishes that a friend of mine has taught me to make & the usual bok-choy/garlic combo. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>DRINKING</i> || <a href="http://purepuer.com/puer_tea/do/page/health" target="_blank">Puer</a> green tea. <i>THE </i>best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>PRACTICING</i> || so much Chinese. I kind of wonder if this language was invented as a cruel joke to anyone who didn't grow up here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>MASTERING</i> || the art of storage space in our tiny apartment. Ironically, I love this apartment more than any of my bigger places. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>LEARNING</i> || to accept that God is bigger than my challenges. As big as they feel at moments, He is bigger. There is a reason for everything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>PLAYING</i> || around on travel websites, getting super amped for our big trip around China with family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>FINISHING</i> || many shopping trips to IKEA for extra pillows, towels & blankets. <i>YAY VISITORS!!!.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>READING</i> || <i>wild</i> by Cheryl Strayed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WATCHING</i> || House of Cards, season two prepping for season three's release ON MY BIRTHDAY. #bestgiftever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WALKING</i> || up to my rooftop on clear days to catch views of the skyline.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WEARING</i> || my fake Ugg's pretty much daily. The temps have been swingin' <i>loooow</i> as of late.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>COOKING</i> || well, making, homemade hummus & using the rest of that caramel sauce to make apple crisp.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WORKING </i>|| on finding peace. & not allowing one bad thing to explode to all the bad things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>TRAVELING</i> || oh snap, yes. Many trains & planes to Chengdu, Beijing, Suzhou, Hangzhou & Shanghai.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>WANTING</i> || to overcome. to allow myself room to fail.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>Sorry for the delay, February just kind of showed up & I wasn't really paying attention. But yay for a big month of travel & my TWENTY-EIGHTH birthday<i>!!! lol, 28. </i></span><br />
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<i>------</i><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Looking forward to lots of adventures this month & hoping for some sunshinier days ahead.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-71765419540540541742015-01-27T19:28:00.000+08:002015-01-27T19:55:57.700+08:00gravitation toward the same<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_7taMgjXibAiPjiy-dNctcfnPs5lUKNou7actZtdWoTpB6wuqbWQ8HSLkBlV_qiN_5z7q5gzZmjf5gROncIS6DfReXsPwGMdy6qlyaS-JsVUYbOjPYP9r4q3ch7tRYSt8ohPAQcFU2Ho/s1600/IMG_9229.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_7taMgjXibAiPjiy-dNctcfnPs5lUKNou7actZtdWoTpB6wuqbWQ8HSLkBlV_qiN_5z7q5gzZmjf5gROncIS6DfReXsPwGMdy6qlyaS-JsVUYbOjPYP9r4q3ch7tRYSt8ohPAQcFU2Ho/s1600/IMG_9229.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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Sometimes I get really caught up in the act of making a decision. I toy with the idea usually, mulling it over, the concept of what I am about to do & how it will impact me, positively & negatively. Sometimes I pump up the positives so they mask the negatives. Sometimes the price tag or the amount of work something will take keeps me from committing to those decisions. Sometimes I ponder for much longer than I personally think is normal.</div>
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Today I painted my fingernails a bright, happy, in between red & hint of orange hue. One in which I've done before but it had been done so very long ago & I didn't know how I would feel about it. I had been thinking about it for close to two weeks, since the last time my go-to color of oxblood had been chipped beyond repair, and I had foregone the simple act of repainting over the many layers. Fresh nails, devoid of color for weeks made me eager for something else.</div>
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But, I found myself eyeballing the oxblood lacquer sitting on my bathroom counter. I love the way that color looks. The depth, the darkness to it. It goes with everything & I love the way it compliments everything I wear because it's neutral. But then I realized that there is more to just sticking to the same thing, to the things that are safe or comfortable. So I began my first coat of the red, hoping that I was making the right decision.</div>
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It happens so often in life. The weight of a choice is so heavy; so full of possibilities. "If I buy this thing here, I won't be able to spend any more money at any of the other stores I am in today. What if I see something I like <i>more</i>?" Am I simply holding out for the <i>perfect</i> option? Is it something worth overcoming?</div>
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I rationalize all of my decisions - whether it be choosing a new vegetable for dinner, whether or not to take an arriving bus full of people or the next one, which may be five more minutes down the road merely for the chance it may be emptier, or whether to buy something now, or save the money for later.</div>
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I am notorious for going into a store, picking something up, trying it on, carrying it around the store for way longer than I should, after having examined every rack & shelf, mentally weighing what it's worth to me to buy said item, to simply drop it back off where it came from & march out of the store. Usually I return not long later to actually buy it, whether it be that day or on the next visit to that store at a later date.</div>
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I like grey clothes. I own probably 20 things at this moment that are all fairly similar to each other that are all varying shades of grey (in fact, they probably don't vary that much at all in their shade.) I simply <i>like </i>grey. I like the way it looks on me & how simple it is to pair other things with it. But, it lacks excitement. There isn't much color, or life to it. It's simply a melancholy color, much like the clouds that are hanging heavy over our city right now.</div>
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I gravitate toward the same things in most areas of my life. The choice has been made so many times, and I like that choice so much, that I don't try different ones. New ones. Potentially more exciting ones.</div>
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I find in life I stick with what I know, and it can be a really bad place if I am trying to grow. It is a common frustration of mine to feel stuck, but then do very little to make the appropriate changes. Being in China has opened up this door for me. I am working on doing hard things, or moving out of the routine order of my life, to experience more.</div>
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I like the oxblood nail polish I routinely wear. I like my grey hoodies & tshirts. But I am starting to learn that there are beautiful shades of orangey-red out there in life that are waiting to be experienced. I just need to be brave enough to take the risk.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-67794001818475631212015-01-22T12:32:00.002+08:002015-01-22T12:40:12.320+08:00happiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-vBX4DuS0FhGQWRO2sJznRmjZzlh9o6txN_Qdcud7BmXhGfhjlYYcwqrMUX8xl4ru17fhO8A3yuAJIqkkEGXRFF8-MfIuXkb5eaYC11A8rCXNY9icTQvPPni1mgllrIwtYaVK1Tcyfi0/s1600/NSEW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-vBX4DuS0FhGQWRO2sJznRmjZzlh9o6txN_Qdcud7BmXhGfhjlYYcwqrMUX8xl4ru17fhO8A3yuAJIqkkEGXRFF8-MfIuXkb5eaYC11A8rCXNY9icTQvPPni1mgllrIwtYaVK1Tcyfi0/s1600/NSEW.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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I need to make my own happiness a priority.</div>
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in this time more than any other,</div>
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I need to find a tangible emersion of golden light.</div>
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I need to create a space that feels good to dwell in.</div>
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To wrap myself up in this place &</div>
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feel the goodness seep into my every pore.</div>
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I need to make my own happiness an every day pursuit.</div>
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The clouds, they hang low & heavy</div>
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but I refuse to let them in</div>
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clouding my mind;</div>
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my thoughts, a grey fog</div>
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bringing me to a place of sadness & dread.</div>
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I need to make my own happiness happen.</div>
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In the moments where I find nothing worth smiling about.</div>
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In the seconds that I find myself stare off into space.</div>
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Feeling alone, restless</div>
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discontent</div>
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frustrated.</div>
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those moments are the embers to the flame.</div>
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I can build a fire.</div>
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I need to make my own happiness <i>real</i>.</div>
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Not a figment of my mind.</div>
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Not a whisper of a thought.</div>
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A reality.</div>
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A truth that I can drench my soul in.</div>
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Happiness can be real.</div>
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It is a choice.</div>
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It is a struggle.</div>
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It is within my grasp.</div>
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It is a lot of things.</div>
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But it is not impossible.</div>
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It is not looking for a new home.</div>
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It is not picky or selfish.</div>
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It is here.</div>
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It is now.</div>
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I need to make happiness.</div>
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my own.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15093015950274697237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8325519352974100152.post-87231134710781675712015-01-15T22:55:00.000+08:002015-01-15T23:07:06.564+08:00a day in the city<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Qy-ia9Lcnxrx-zWhjFtrYFf9WAAUHsbnP_lMgy9LcrZKvUhnDDvTFNrUk-hM_L0UCgTsBScfxx7Y_XoBAtrjENRot9xm5vbKXGCmOtBQQ-bEtP5nbSXfaKP3TiBrmAwK-mYvPvsFqQU/s1600/DSC_0647.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Qy-ia9Lcnxrx-zWhjFtrYFf9WAAUHsbnP_lMgy9LcrZKvUhnDDvTFNrUk-hM_L0UCgTsBScfxx7Y_XoBAtrjENRot9xm5vbKXGCmOtBQQ-bEtP5nbSXfaKP3TiBrmAwK-mYvPvsFqQU/s1600/DSC_0647.jpg" height="424" width="640" /></a></div>
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A normal weekly schedule during this time of the year consists of a lot of me at my apartment, reading blogs, practicing yoga or doing another HIIT style workout, drinking copious amounts of coffee, studying Chinese & cooking. I also tutor English to a bunch of kids on various evenings after school. Jeremy is going pretty much non-stop five days a week, teaching English at his center & studying Chinese in his "spare" time.</div>
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So, on Monday & Tuesday (our weekend), we make an effort to spend some quality time together. Whether that be a coffee date (sans phones or ipads,) cooking dinner together, or taking walks in a random corner of our city. It is such a high point of my week & something I look forward to with great anticipation. When you're constantly moving in opposite directions to get things done, those few hours of one on one time, no distractions, are priceless.</div>
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Being in China has really caused me to rely on Jeremy in new ways that I didn't think I would need to before we left our comfortable life in the states. Learning our new roles & what each person brings to the table is exciting & has it's challenges. I like to pick things apart & ask questions, Jeremy likes to mull & silently ponder. We have our strengths & weakness as any couple does, but I like to think of this time in China as a way to expand on our strengths & build each other up so we can <i>both </i>grow together & as well as separately.</div>
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Last week, we took an afternoon stroll in downtown Jeifangbei with warm cups of starbucks coffee (a little luxury here,) while we pretended to not look like tourists touting an actual camera around our necks. The clouds may take over the sky for a few months in winter, but these outings are like a little dose of sunshine.</div>
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China is a challenge in so many ways, but I know that having this time to really build a solid marital foundation is worth it all. Having the ability to focus on what each person means to the other, in difficult situations & when there are very few other's to turn to - it has really put things into perspective.</div>
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It has made me realize that I would travel to the most remote part of the world, as long as I have him by my side - experiencing, enduring & exploring.</div>
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