this city

Chongqing. 

You are a great city. So vast, so expansive. So new, towering concrete skeletons pressed up against grey skies. Historical, brimming with the old. the rivers run together & weave their way through this vast country. Your greatness is just beginning to flourish, plans & work in preparation for even bigger & better. You are a maze of streets, hills & mountains. You are levels & fog. You are a visceral hum. You are sharpening patience. You are new stresses & challenges. You are dirty, crowded & stubborn. You are a valley in between great walls of hills & mountains. You are sheets of rain falling for days. You are a haze shielding the sun. You are humid, sweat beading on my upper lip. You are brushes against strangers, noisy subway cars, children screaming in the streets. You are quiet moments, night time walks with the crickets & the frogs. You are the swarm of mosquitoes that crave. You are the sleepless nights, lights from opposite towers streaming in windows. You are infrequent breezes, air so heavy; a tangible thickness. You are pride, you are struggle. You are change, you are progress, you are forward motion. You are spicy, red peppers in oil. You are bridges and tunnels. You are subway tracks running along river banks. You are uphill walks. You are incredible moments of beauty. 

You are forgotten by many, but loved by many more.

cages.

rain is dripping steadily off the eaves of our building.

a stream of water falling to the earth, watering the ground, the life that blossoms & yields.

I awoke this mornings feeling heavy.

like my bones literally had weights attached to them - my ribs refusing to expand.

short breaths gasped in the morning light.

I got angry last night, I yelled.

I try to speak & find that I have lost my voice.

I wouldn't surrender, I was refusing.

I find that the rain watering the earth this morning is my lesson.

you can not grow without the water.

you may think you can, love, but you can't.

you will dry up & wither. you will stretch out your leaves turned brown & think you've got it all together. but you need the rain. you need to surrender. you need to be renewed, reminded. you need to let down the walls of pride that you build like a cage. you believe that it will protect you, that you are above it all - but it only ensnares you, wrapping you up in a reality that is so distant from the truth. you need the rain. you need to destroy the cage.

stop fighting the rain, love.

stop fighting.

june

from our anniversary trip : the beauty that is jiuzhaigou

STARTING || to wish our AC functioned properly. I truly believe it's possessed & refuses to work at the change of any season.

FINISHING || all my YTT post-training required reading. All that's left is the final. Wooooo.

MAKING || mediterranean omelets as often as possible. 

CRAVING || a tan.

READING || 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami. (he is my new obsession author.)

WATCHING || the fall now that I have a giant mad men sized hole in my heart.

LISTENING TO || san holo & alabama shakes 

WEARING || mostly athletic wear because it's a jungle out there. 

EATING || loads of watermelon. 

DRINKING  || iced teas. I also happened to notice that la croix sparking water is now carried at the international grocery store. So, cheers to that.

LEARNING || to take things one day at a time. 

PRACTICING || earlier wake ups.

WORKING || on drastically upping my water intake.  

PLAYING || the hair vs. humidity game. I kind of wonder why I even try to style it, because lets be real. It just stays in a giant knot on top of my head from wash to wash.

TRAVELING || to Wulong for a short trip. The place I used to see on google images when I'd search for Chongqing......

WANTING || more slow days of coffee & him. 

PLANNING || this fall's tour around china trip, part two, with Amy & Cameron. 

HOPING || for more facetime chats with besties. They truly are the best.


Bring on the sun shiny goodness, June! I'm ready.