december

four sisters mountains in western sichuan

STARTING || to mentally prepare to begin another year. January comes and I usually feel disconnected through much of it. I'd like to prevent this this time.

FINISHING || the last of Banksy's shots so that he can go outside & meet new puppies & go for walks & just generally not be cooped up in the tiny apt all the time.

MAKING || pickled veggies for the first time ever.

CRAVING || mulled wine.

READING || the martian by Andy Weir

WATCHING || allllll the christmas movies.
LISTENING TO || this lady's sweet Christmas playlist(s).

WEARING || new slippers from uniqlo & my down vest.

EATING || whatever home baked goods I can get my hands on (mostly from other people because home girl is STILL without an oven.)

DRINKING  || night: chamomile tea. morning: BREWED COFFEE FROM OUR NEW COFFEE MAKER. Can I just say that I can't believe we didn't do this sooner? Two year of french pressing is far too long. #sosmooth #sotasty

LEARNING || how to make home made bone broth in response to a crazy bout of antibiotics that I'm currently on. Triple womp.

PRACTICING || letting go of things that no longer serve me.

WORKING || on not projecting my stresses. Deep breaths make it so much better.

PLAYING || fetch with Banksy in the hallway in our building, it's literally the most adorable thing ever that he's always understood the concept.

TRAVELING || to taiwaaaaaan. The beach, some mountains, a coastal bike trip & many jaunts around sweet neighborhoods are on the agenda.

WANTING || to feel better, physically. the cold feels like it's seeping into my bones already. Chengdu don't play no games with them wet winters.

PLANNING || a time when I'm back on the busy train. For now, gratitude for slower days = more time to be still and intentional with my actions instead of rushing 24/7.  

HOPING || for a much more exciting NYE this time around in China. Year 1 was good, year 2, not so much. Maybe it's about the odd years(?) But hey, no expectations.

December has been kind of a weird month so far. Jeremy and I got a puppy right after Thanksgiving. Something that we didn't think we would do until we returned to the US. (SO glad we didn't wait.) A Banksy post is in the works...

We bought another IKEA christmas tree, i lost a job, (China makes no sense sometimes,) made some new friends and  traveled to some gorgeous mountains (a post for that is in the works, as well.) 

Had many a moment where I felt like all of this was too much. That life can feel so out of control and heavy. I've learned that gratitude practice is a real thing. It's a real, tangible thing you can put on paper. That projecting happiness can help you to actually feel happier. That dogs are easily one of the best things in this world. That health should be celebrated every single day. That the leaves changing colors outside, although late in my mind, are still beautiful & a sign of something ending- only to start again anew.

December, you are cold foggy breaths, puppy kisses & white twinkle lights. You are reminders of life, that each day is a gift & that good things are all around me., always.

merry christmas, dear readers. may 2016 bring you much joy & happiness.

november

hong kong at dusk.

STARTING || all the projects I've been thinking up recently.

FINISHING || all the laundry from two weeks of not being home. 

MAKING || plans to get coffee with new friends.

CRAVING || more time with AJ, the time they were here went too fast. #ohchina

READING || Goop's BE column & I finally got on the skimm train.

WATCHING || the light fade from my windows, much earlier. I think I'm just going to pretend I live in London, where the clouds are also normal.

LISTENING TO || Saint Cava.

WEARING || tennis shoes that were too small in the summer (ha, my feet are weird.)

EATING || home cooked goodness after two weeks of crazy [good] eats in various cities. 

DRINKING  || coffee with HOMEMADE PUMPKIN SPICE SYRUP IN IT. *fistpump* Also, thanks mom for sending all those spices I needed, you's aaaaaamazing.

LEARNING || to find more joy in the every day.

PRACTICING || getting back into a post vacation routine.

WORKING || a bit more than last month, hollah for that.

PLAYING || catch up on all the blog post drafts I have waiting for completion.

TRAVELING || nowhere. A staycation is planned for this weekend & I could NOT be more excited for it.

WANTING || another trip back home. A year is too long.

PLANNING || to find a bike for the husband (hopefully) this weekend & a well overdue wine night with the new bestie next week.

HOPING || that by this time next month, I have an oven again.

I really am working on the practice of gratitude for all the sweet things I've been up to lately - and the ability my husband and I have to take trips, and go exploring & stay in sweet air bnb's & make plans to go somewhere new every few months.

when you're in the throes of living in a place that isn't "home," you can forget that there are still so many moments to soak in and be happy for. Maybe not every moment is easy and I find myself dwelling in negative thoughts way more than anyone should - but I feel like China is wearing on me in different ways than it used to & that's just straight up hard.

I think I put on this brave face & push through the day, trying to make it "count" according to my weird mental status of things that matter, but it still get's to me sometimes. Especially after spending time with people from home & having an awesome time and then having to return to normal life in China.

I miss target, and chipotle & drinking pumpkin beer. I miss bright orange & red leaves, and trader joes & the smell of the ocean. I miss Ghent,  and stockley garden art festivals. Finding shoes in my size & soft, pillow-topped mattresses. 

Life throws curve balls. I should feel grateful for all the things I got to do in October, and the places I got to see. But, now that it's over, I feel a little sadder & a greater longing for the home I remember.

So lemme go make another PSL and eat some of that sea salt dark chocolate someone threw into Amy's suitcase.

I am grateful for today.

November, you are here. & I am here. Let's embrace like lovers cause you are potential & I refuse to be anything less than grateful.

october

sunset over chengdu from my new buildings rooftop.

STARTING || to pick up steam teaching yoga here.

FINISHING || a long period of not having a computer. 

MAKING || chili pepper mango tofu & salsa.

CRAVING || soft serve ice cream. & pumpkin anything. 

READING || the life-changing magic of tidying up, (of course.) by Marie Kondo.

WATCHING || the man in the high castle & the good wife.

LISTENING TO || SO MANY PODCASTS. Currently obsessing over On Being, One Part Podcast & Limetown.

WEARING || layers in the morning; fall has arrived to Chengdu.

EATING || spinach/feta/balsamic with lunch. & the occasion avocado.

DRINKING  || coffee from all the little shops in our neighborhood.

LEARNING || that there is no prize for being right in an argument.

PRACTICING || letting go of rigid structure and allowing things to just happen. Also, drawing mandalas.

WORKING || less than I ever have. & it' so weird.

PLAYING || the weaving & dodging game with all the maniac drivers in this city while riding my bike. 

TRAVELING || to mountains & small towns and HONG KONG with AJ & Cameron!!!!!!!

WANTING || a hair cut. 

PLANNING || our HK itinerary & travel plans for December. Taiwan? Vietnam? Korea? TBD.

HOPING || for lots of sunshine this month.

October is easily one of my favorite months. The craziest thing is that the time last year, I was in the US getting ready for Amy & Cameron's wedding all while doing the super intensive 14 hour a day yoga teacher training. So intense. So crazy that that was a year ago. What's going on, time!? 

It does present a problem when there is very little here by way of "autumness" that is abundant back home. No PSL's, no tree lined streets all red & yellow, no harvest festivals, no real acknowledgement that it's a new season, other than people donning warmer layers.  

I have been frequently saying that I feel a shift in my life, and each time I say that, another shift occurs. Whether it's moving or finding new friends or things to do, or whatever, there is aways some new experience or situation that is causing me to face my insecurities & grow a little (or a lot.) It's been a crazy month, ( I also feel like I say that every month.) But it's always true. Crazy town, that's where I live.

I have so many blog post ideas stashed away for when I have long afternoons with a computer at my disposal. 

But for now, I am eagerly awaiting our visitors & super excited for the next few weeks of exploring and having adventures with family. Now I'm off to figure out how to clean off my phone without having a computer to back my photos up to. #icloudwhyyousohard!?

October, I see you in the sunsets & the chill you bring. Here's to seeing you from beaches, mountain tops. & all the spaces in between.

change.

There's a shift in my surroundings lately. I'm picking up all the things I've collected over the past two years, or have travelled with across continents & oceans. I am getting rid of a lot of things, purging my closet of all the cast offs that were purchased without really giving thought to its needlessness.

I'm spending longer moments in the morning just taking in my surroundings. I am the most habitual create of habit in this wild kingdom. I enjoy routine, I enjoy systems, I enjoy the comfort of knowing what will happen next in my day. I make a very big effort to plan out the details so I have full control over all the possible outcomes. If I do this, then this may happen. Or may not happen. Ok. I need to be prepared for both. & when I'm not, I feel lost & incredibly grouchy.

Change is this for me. I feel lost & foggy. Like I can't get my thoughts together to start the day because I don't have a routine. I don't have structure to my existence.

This is something that is coming for me. Change in a big way.

I am moving to a new city in less than two weeks. I've been to this city a few times now, trying to get a small grasp at what is to come - how I will structure my life in this place. Fully formed with all it's foreign people - it's groups & circles. It's spinning wheel of normalcy, for so many.

I have moments when I am soaking up my morning, with my warm cup of coffee in my hand, looking out onto the quiet courtyard beyond the balcony. Birds joining in unison as the breeze sweeps hair into my face. I feel this comfort of knowing that mornings are this. They are slow steps walking across the wooden floor of the open space in this studio apartment. Yoga on the big windowsill. The dining room table, my desk. Hot baths when I need to think. Moving furniture to pack my yoga students in twice a week. Watercolor paints on the floor late at night when I need to release my thoughts. Steam rising through the kitchen when making tea, that fogs the balcony window in the living room. Afternoon naps on the long length of the couch, sleeping in an L shape because it helps to block the sunlight from my closed eyes. Running up the flights of stairs in the open space inside the building. The small rooftop landing that overlooks the neighborhood & downtown in the distance. Getting glances from the lady who takes out the trash - I always wonder what she is secretly thinking as she mops the floor outside our front door. Hanging damp clothing on our rack next to the hanging plants. Overlooking the dozen other buildings with clothing hanging on their balconies. The hushed distant sound of the buses and cars moving across the river. The way the table creaks when I am writing on it. The weight of our front door as I pull it closed behind me. The dim light that warms this space. This city that has taught me to be better, less reactive & more responsive.

I feel like there are many things about picking up & moving that will only produce more beautiful change, more opportunities to grow & more space to create. I know that no one loves change. We like comfort. We like to know that we can hold on to something & it won't disintegrate in our hands. It's just that initial moment of separation. That driving away from our home in the moving truck and knowing you may never be here again. That longing for all those moments you took for granted. I am feeling nostalgic for the present.

Reminder:
Nothing is forever.

A moment - on the metro

Swarms of faded shoes & knock offs.

Open toed sandals & cropped pants.

I am lost in a book. A world I have escaped to.

I peek over the edge of the words from time to time.

I see the crowd of people, they come and they go.

Footprints marking steel grey floors.

The heat of the day coming to rest on the covering of skin, close to my own.

Shifting bodies - movement as we are jostled on this subway car.

Strangers among strangers.

I am transported between this in between space and this different reality.

Time is shifting in both places. I am feeling it like two trains, passing each other at high speeds.

Crossing lines between real & unreal.

Blurring lights, chatter & millions of tiny conversations.

Echoing through cell phones & whispered into ears.

Our heads are all close together, as if by some transferring paper, we are translating to each other without words.

I can hear distant music coming though my headphones. It is hushed, as if it knows that the world has so much to say. It doesn't overpower or try to conceal.

I feel the heaviness of the words that are escaping lips & fingers. So many stories, emerging messages all around me.

A masking of reality. Like a novel on a train.

Blurring lights passing in the dark.

july

sunset from south mountain, chongqing

STARTING || the daunting task of packing up all our belongings in preparation for our next move. (!!!!)

FINISHING || up a season in this crazy city.

MAKING || cold-brewed iced coffees 

CRAVING || a trip out of this country. I can't believe I haven't stepped foot outside of China for almost a year. (what.)

READING || this blog, and this blog. 

WATCHING || hahahaha, new girl reruns. Also, true detective but I'm not really that impressed with it yet.

LISTENING TO || tep no & ta-ku

WEARING || the lightest material clothing I can get my hands on. #3showersaday

EATING || LYCHEE. Obsessed. 

DRINKING  || grapefruit juice & soda water. 

LEARNING || to find beauty in the small moments.

PRACTICING || stretches to go with my earlier morning wake ups.

WORKING || on the mental prep that will be needed for restarting in a whole new city.  

PLAYING || constant catch-up with life these past few weeks. I feel like everything is moving in a constant blur.

TRAVELING || to Chengdu, our soon to be city, to scope out apartments & the like.

WANTING || an entire day with absolutely nothing on the agenda.

PLANNING || all the things I'm gonna do with all the free time I'll have come September. 

HOPING || for some exploration & adventures this month. A change of scenery would be good for my soul.

Sorry for the late post, it's been a crazy month. All the kids are out of school here which equates to ALL THE ENGLISH TUTORING. Super fun times. Super busy fun times. So, hopefully things start to slow down soon so I can, you know, move. I hope July is finding you happy, and healthy & with a little bit more of a tan than I currently have. 

July, you are a beautiful reminder to find stillness & enjoy the sunrises.

this city

Chongqing. 

You are a great city. So vast, so expansive. So new, towering concrete skeletons pressed up against grey skies. Historical, brimming with the old. the rivers run together & weave their way through this vast country. Your greatness is just beginning to flourish, plans & work in preparation for even bigger & better. You are a maze of streets, hills & mountains. You are levels & fog. You are a visceral hum. You are sharpening patience. You are new stresses & challenges. You are dirty, crowded & stubborn. You are a valley in between great walls of hills & mountains. You are sheets of rain falling for days. You are a haze shielding the sun. You are humid, sweat beading on my upper lip. You are brushes against strangers, noisy subway cars, children screaming in the streets. You are quiet moments, night time walks with the crickets & the frogs. You are the swarm of mosquitoes that crave. You are the sleepless nights, lights from opposite towers streaming in windows. You are infrequent breezes, air so heavy; a tangible thickness. You are pride, you are struggle. You are change, you are progress, you are forward motion. You are spicy, red peppers in oil. You are bridges and tunnels. You are subway tracks running along river banks. You are uphill walks. You are incredible moments of beauty. 

You are forgotten by many, but loved by many more.

lately

homework vs blog reading at starbucks | morning coffee | weekend brunch (the best.) 

gardenias (that sadly = a massive sneeze fest) | fried eggs & spinach | street fruit sellers

my chongqing bestie who just moved to melbourne | waiting for the metro | pancakes & peaches

the perfect white summer dress (high five, zara) | flowers in alleyways | lunch break solitude

I'm trying to blog more, I really am.

I feel like I have a lot of different directions I want this blog to take, but for now - enjoy the snapshots from my phone while I try to sort out the real reason I am here.