change.

There's a shift in my surroundings lately. I'm picking up all the things I've collected over the past two years, or have travelled with across continents & oceans. I am getting rid of a lot of things, purging my closet of all the cast offs that were purchased without really giving thought to its needlessness.

I'm spending longer moments in the morning just taking in my surroundings. I am the most habitual create of habit in this wild kingdom. I enjoy routine, I enjoy systems, I enjoy the comfort of knowing what will happen next in my day. I make a very big effort to plan out the details so I have full control over all the possible outcomes. If I do this, then this may happen. Or may not happen. Ok. I need to be prepared for both. & when I'm not, I feel lost & incredibly grouchy.

Change is this for me. I feel lost & foggy. Like I can't get my thoughts together to start the day because I don't have a routine. I don't have structure to my existence.

This is something that is coming for me. Change in a big way.

I am moving to a new city in less than two weeks. I've been to this city a few times now, trying to get a small grasp at what is to come - how I will structure my life in this place. Fully formed with all it's foreign people - it's groups & circles. It's spinning wheel of normalcy, for so many.

I have moments when I am soaking up my morning, with my warm cup of coffee in my hand, looking out onto the quiet courtyard beyond the balcony. Birds joining in unison as the breeze sweeps hair into my face. I feel this comfort of knowing that mornings are this. They are slow steps walking across the wooden floor of the open space in this studio apartment. Yoga on the big windowsill. The dining room table, my desk. Hot baths when I need to think. Moving furniture to pack my yoga students in twice a week. Watercolor paints on the floor late at night when I need to release my thoughts. Steam rising through the kitchen when making tea, that fogs the balcony window in the living room. Afternoon naps on the long length of the couch, sleeping in an L shape because it helps to block the sunlight from my closed eyes. Running up the flights of stairs in the open space inside the building. The small rooftop landing that overlooks the neighborhood & downtown in the distance. Getting glances from the lady who takes out the trash - I always wonder what she is secretly thinking as she mops the floor outside our front door. Hanging damp clothing on our rack next to the hanging plants. Overlooking the dozen other buildings with clothing hanging on their balconies. The hushed distant sound of the buses and cars moving across the river. The way the table creaks when I am writing on it. The weight of our front door as I pull it closed behind me. The dim light that warms this space. This city that has taught me to be better, less reactive & more responsive.

I feel like there are many things about picking up & moving that will only produce more beautiful change, more opportunities to grow & more space to create. I know that no one loves change. We like comfort. We like to know that we can hold on to something & it won't disintegrate in our hands. It's just that initial moment of separation. That driving away from our home in the moving truck and knowing you may never be here again. That longing for all those moments you took for granted. I am feeling nostalgic for the present.

Reminder:
Nothing is forever.

A New Beginning - Latitude x Longitude

Alright, I'm trying this again.

The blogging world has been taunting me since I got to China & as much as I want to be one of those hip people with a blog (sometimes), I really get overwhelmed by the process of creating a blog baby & knowing that it's a commitment of sorts to keep up with. 

People back home ask me what my life is like in China & I want to tell them everything and nothing at the same time because, let's face it, most of the time, there's just too much. Too many moments that I don't always want to experience again, or would love to explain but no amount of words would explain the experience adequately. So, as much as I'd like to say this blog is for you, it's not. It's for me. It's a way for me to be honest with myself, dipping into my subconscious -- but also a way to give you a little peak into life in this new country. Alright, yes, it's not as new as it was 11 months ago when I moved here (!!!!) but it's still different. It still has it's slew of trials & challenges. 

I want to write more. That's a big part of why I'm here too. I will try my hardest to be transparent & real with my experiences. It's easy to fluff things up for the enjoyment of others. I understand people read blogs for two reasons, to be informed of something or to be entertained. I am not looking to entertain. I wrote my first "blog" post when I was back in Shanghai during the 3 week stint that I was there before we relocated to Chongqing, which is where I currently live. The post was full of melodramatic nonsense & things that, reading now, make me cringe. I was seeking the response I would get from people.. "no way, you live THERE!?"... yes. I live in China. It's hard but not as hard as many other people's living situations are.

My husband, Jeremy, likes to tell me that you make your own happiness. Something I am trying to wrap my mind around. That means that whether I am in Norfolk, Virginia, Washington DC, Kenya or China -- I am fully equipped to look beyond what may trouble me & create a new happiness. Will it always be easy? No. Life is hard, people. I'm not immune to stuff that sucks. I miss many things from home. I miss chipotle guacamole & riding my bike early in the morning. I miss coffee shops on every corner & the ability to drive 30 mins to see the ocean. But, that doesn't mean those are the ONLY things that equate to happiness.My mind had a plan set for my life beyond high school. Did anything in that plan go the way I had envisioned? No. Not a single thing. & that's ok. I am going to tell you that this is a journey to find happiness whereever I am & not always dream of the bigger & better. Life is made up of these small moments. We spend too much time yearning for the next big thing. Life happens in those moments of in between. 

So, this is where I am. These are my thoughts & experiences. I encourage all of you to seek happiness in your own lives, whether you've actually "made it" according to what your brain tells you equates to "success." Making an effort to work outside of your mental boundaries. I didn't choose the place that I am in & that's ok too. 

I hope you get a bigger picture of my life here & I appreciate all of you for supporting me & Jer on this journey.

b e  t h e  c h a n g e,

Dani