morning thoughts

China is doing some serious things to me. Over the course of the year, I've felt stretched; pulled taut like a hamstring in forward fold. This change has been difficult. Some of those who are very close to me have heard me complain about the differences here, the obstacles I've faced in making positive changes, and just the general "UGH"-ness that has ebbed & flowed since moving into this country.

Overall, it has been a change that I believe I could not have reached if I had stayed where I was. Going to work, going to class, sleeping, waking. It was so orderly & so structured. Moving to China, I've been pushed outside my comfort zone so much. Often times I felt so small & nonexistent. I felt so removed from everyone & everything.

One of the things I knew I would have as a constant were my friends & family back home. I knew that I would be able to reach out to them & because we were so close while I was physically in the same city/state/country as them, that for sure, we would remain tight even when I traveled to the other side of the world. For sure.

This is something that I've tried to work through on my own. Believing that I will get back what I give. That it's an endless cycle of give/receive. In friendship, especially long-distance, that just isn't always so. Life get's in the way. We get busy. We have to run errands, and go to work. We have to meet deadlines & make sure our kids are fed. We have to do... everything else. I understand real life. I left a really busy existence back in the states & I know completely how guilty I was of pushing people aside for what was on my to-do list. Making time for social interaction only when it was convenient for me, or when I had nothing better to do. The worst part about this is that it takes maybe 5 minutes to send a message to someone letting them know I was thinking of them. Or even less to send a text. I struggled with being the "bad friend" when I lived in my comfort zone. Now that I'm thousands of miles away, I've realized just how important relationships with people are & how we take them for granted when things are normal, familiar & rote.

You learn a lot about a person & how much they value your friendship when you move far away. You can see how important those interactions are & how you fit into their neat, planned, orderly lives. You can also see how maintaing a friendship is work. Something we are often too busy to add to our already over filled existences.

I travel back to the East coast in a little more than two weeks. I've been pondering what that will look like for some time. Where do I go from just stepping off the plane & hoping all those who say they love me or want to be a part of my life make the effort to push themselves out of their comfort zones enough to initiate a connection. 

I've been planning this trip to the "T" with transportation plans, who I will be staying with when, and for how long. How to make things as seamless as possible for those I will be spending lots of time with. Where to store all my millions of suitcases. How to see everyone that I want to see in such a limited amount of time.

I got to thinking this morning about all of these things & what being a friend (or a family member) means. How do we go out of our way to show someone that we love them & that their presence alone is something to be cherished and appreciated? How can I be a better friend to anyone that has been in the position I am about to be in?

We get comfortable in our lives & we don't put relationships as high as we ought. Being so far removed from anyone I was really close with (aside from J) has brought to light how bad of a friend I was before. Emails that would sit in my inbox for weeks, sometimes months. (oops.) Forgetting birthdays, or special occasions. When life is made up of social interactions and comings & goings - we don't always stop to realize how important those small interactions can be. The email, the text, the phone call (hah, what's that.) 

They are meaningful. 

They are to be cherished. 

Find the time to let those who you appreciate & care about KNOW that they are appreciated & cared for. Pick someone up at the airport. Drop off a coffee to someone at work. Do those things. 

They are lasting. 

They leave an imprint. 

I know now more than I ever did before that that is true. 

It is astounding to me how love can be so raw & physical when you think about it. I can say, "I love you" a million times - but when does there need to be some action behind those words? When do we need to push our own agenda aside to focus on another person's feelings or well-being - showing them love (even when it's not convenient.)

We need those connections. We need friendships. We need to feel like we belong. 

Be a good friend. 

Be someone who is dependable. 

Find ways to show that you love others. 

Make it a priority. 

Cherish the time you get with those you care about.
We don't know what tomorrow brings. 

Leave an imprint. Show love. 

b e  t h e  c h a n g e ,

Dani