I remember when I was sitting in this same Starbucks two days after moving here. I felt so alone and frustrated with my current surroundings. I remember the gloom in the seemingly endless clouds and the long hours that I had to kill before Jeremy would be off work. I remember looking out these windows up at our hotel that was a short walk away. I am again looking up at that hotel window on the 44th floor & I'm being reminded that my life has changed, dramatically. I have been learning who I am as a person. I am learning about what I'm capable of & what I am still struggling with. Being thrown into an uncomfortable situation causes you to grow up and grow up fast. The beauty of all of this is that I am starting to feel that & really feel it. Like it took me moving to China to get me to drop the facade & work on the things going on in my heart. I am learning about patience, I am learning about trust, I am learning about kindness. I am learning to open my heart to things or people I would have turned a blind eye to before. All of it is so raw, so without filter. It is there, in my face & I can either pretend like It's not my responsibility to work on it, or move into it & learn. I feel like things are shifting so much. & so differently. I have successes & setbacks on a daily basis.
Life's greatest moments are made from uncomfortable situations, I am sure of it. I have felt some of the biggest challenges of my life here. Most of them being more internal but some have been external & the high that follows those moments of victory -- they are unreal and tip the scales of any sort of excitement I felt before. Comfort zones are something you should live in only briefly. Once you realize that you're comfortable, you should work to move out of that place. Expand the horizons of your life by opening up the doors of newness instead of kicking off your shoes & making yourself at home in the comfort zone. That's not your home, it has never been your home. Your home is out there, out in the newness of the unknown & the challenging. In the moments where you feel like you can't breathe from anxiety but suddenly, you realize what you are capable of & everything melts away into a wash of relief. You can do this, you are good enough.
Comfort zones are just that. They are zones, not homes.
I am feeling like I am on the brink of big & exciting things. I will be going back to the states for two months in September to complete my yoga teacher training & for Amy, my lovely SIL's wedding. I still can't believe that girl is getting married. I feel like I will be viewing life there like I am the snowman inside a snow globe; slightly reserved but eager to experience. It's astounding to me how life can change so vastly in such a relatively short amount of time. One year ago from now I was packing up my small apartment, preparing to be apart from my husband for a month while he started his journey in China as an English teacher. I was newly married & feeling like I couldn't possibly be brave enough to live in such a foreign place, leaving all that I knew, everything my life consisted of (minus Jeremy) behind. But look, I did. I am.
Life will take you places you are not expecting. You won't be prepared for them & certainly not always open to them. It will be the hardest thing to welcome those moments of uncertainty & anxiety. But,
it is in those moments that we are defined; overcoming the fear & coming out victorious on the other side.
We can only grow when we allow ourselves to roam outside that zone. Move into a place of uncharted territory & smile because you are accepting that challenge.
b e t h e c h a n g e,
Dani
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