On focusing on the good

Everyone around me is rushing to get from one place to the next. Phones are shielding the faces of the strangers I am brushing against on the sidewalk. The crowd gathers as we wait to get through the security stop at the metro station. I feel people pushing and jostling me as they try to form a queue. I feel the tension mount as I am passed by. I feel my chest tighten. Anger and frustration builds. I can feel all these emotions as the strangers around me rush to the front, as the line's build, as the crowds gather. I want to make these people realize that what they are doing isn't fair.
"I was here first" is echoing in my head.
"Why do you think it's ok to push ahead of me!?" I say under my breath.
No one pays an ounce of attention to me as I shift my weight, muttering things to myself, obviously annoyed. The metro doors open, we rush inside, and we wait to arrive at our destination.

I settle in against the wall. I take a few deep breaths. I try to remind myself that it doesn't matter.
"Then why do I get so upset when I feel slighted!?"
The conversation in my mind picks up.
"Because, you think you know how everyone else should behave."...

The train picks up speed & I feel my thoughts swirling. We get to a massive interchange stop & a new swarm of people shuffle onto the car. & then it happens. The stranger that just pushed his way onto the car, with his phone inches from his face, rises up from his seat to let an old woman with a heavy backpack take his seat. The conversation in my mind shifts. 

I can focus on the moments of frustration, the times I feel like things aren't "fair." When I am cut in front of in line, or pushed into a crowded metro car, or walked into by an absentminded pedestrian. I can focus on those moments, and I have, so many times. I've fumed for 15 minutes after someone cut me in line. I ruminate for way longer than I should. I struggle with this. It is a very real problem.

Negativity affects so many things. I've watched how I feel after allowing myself to give into the anger & then how I feel if I just take a breath and move past it. It's not an easy choice. I am so wrapped up in wanting the person who offended me to know that they did something wrong. I feel like that's part of my frustration -- there's no awareness. It just happens. 

But, I still have a choice.

I can seethe, fume, and throw a mental temper tantrum because someone acted a certain way. Or, I can take a deep breath. Realize that it's not worth it. Realize it's not worth the tension and the anger. Realize that there's something else I can focus on instead.

I can focus on the good in the situation. I can focus on the kindness that this stranger on the metro displayed, by giving up his seat for someone else. I can focus on the fact that I have two strong legs that can hold me up during a 20 minute metro ride. I can focus on the fact that there is a metro to take me to where I need to go.  I can focus on the fact that I can spare all of 3 seconds to allow someone else get into the car ahead of me. I'm not in that much of a rush. I can slow down. I can allow kindness into those moments and smile at those that slight me instead of glaring at them, hoping they'll pick up on my obviously (obviously!) warranted frustration. 

My challenge for this week is to focus on the good. Focus on the positives in the unfortunate things that happen & focus on being happier because of it. What do I gain from glaring at a stranger? For hissing under my breath because someone walked into me on the sidewalk? Nothing. 

I can gain happiness. I can gain joy. 

I am alive. I am breathing. 

That's enough.

b e  t h e  c h a n g e,

Dani