my two month trip home

This trip was my first back to the US after my initial departure for China, about a year before. I was very eager to get back & catch up with everyone I had left behind, celebrate some special occasions, and complete my yoga teacher training. 

I would be traveling from Chongqing, China to Hong Kong then across the Pacific Ocean along the top hemisphere (think the coldest parts of the world, ha.) & finally landing in Newark, NJ. 

I made a quick trip to DC to see my sister in law, Amy, and meet her soon to be husband, Cameron all in the whirlwind of Amy needing hand surgery. I spent much of my first full day in the US laying on a waiting room floor with a venti blonde roast that did absolutely nothing to keep me awake. 

DC that first day felt very strange to me - a kind of reverse culture shock, something I didn't think I would really have any struggles with, but it definitely occurred. Seeing crowds of people that weren't all Asian, all speaking (mostly) English, it was a little overwhelming. I had two distinct moments where I felt overwhelmed by it. I was on the phone with my mom while standing outside Chipotle. The combination of a food I had dearly missed & standing on a hustly, bustly city street during lunch time was, to simply put it, a shock. I was dealing with waves of exhaustion, and the emotions of my sister in law being in surgery my first day back, meeting my soon to be bro-in-law, & being within a few hours of just about everyone I knew. It was cray. The second experience was in Walgreens, when everything was marked in USD & two older people were having a conversation about something seemingly trivial, but in that moment, the a fact that I could understand them overpowered me & I stood in the middle of the hair products aisle smiling like an utter fool. 

I then spent the first week with my in laws at their house, which has been dubbed "the most relaxing place on earth." With the winding country roads lined with corn fields, the star filled sky at night & the joys of wearing sweat pants all day & eating comfort foods - that title is apt.

Open streets, blue skies, fresh air.

thick grass & sunshine = post run selfie.

country road.

I spent as much time as I could stand outside, breathing deeply.

My next stop was to DC, where I would be spending an entire month of my trip. Between visits with one of my high-school best friends, Kelsey downtown, crashing at Amy's place with her four other roommates on capitol hill, prepping details for the wedding, and practically living at the yoga studio I did my training at - that month went by in two shakes.

a capitol hill sky scene. 

It was during this part of my trip, maybe around day 8 or 9 of the 15 I had to complete for the training, that I put my phone into the washing machine. It was a very sad & pathetic sight had anyone been around to see the moment I realized said phone was in the washing machine, and the wallowing I did afterward. 

Many photos we're lost, but I managed to piece whatever I could that was stored in the ominous "cloud" & cover up the hole that was my taking of any sort of photo for about a month. (this will include the end of training, Amy's wedding, my visit to see my parents & siblings and most of my time back in Norfolk.) It didn't make matters any better that I was trying to keep up with Jeremy who was still on the other side of the world, so I was strictly limited to wi-fi only texts via ipad and only when one of us was awake, which was a very narrow window. 

During this time of the trip, Amy had a bachelorette party & it hit me how close we were to her wedding, one of the primary reasons for this trip. I couldn't wait to stand beside her as she married the man of her dreams.

I spent many a day during that following week traipsing around the city with Kelsey. It was glorious to have so much time to spend doing whatever we felt like. We went to the local coffee shops & cute neighborhood boutiques. We spent afternoons getting lost in Georgetown, and out on the balcony painting our nails. We had a memorable night full of laughter & champagne and a visit from an old friend from high-school summer camp, Ben, who happened to swing through DC from NYC that same week.

 my first stumptown cold brewed coffee + this lovely lady.

details from Kel's apartment. 

I don't know. Also the only photo of the two of us while he was in town.

Yoga teacher training was a whirlwind of sorts. One I wasn't exactly prepared for, even though I tried to be. I found myself feeling stretched, both mentally & physically and wanted to both rush through it to get it finished & slow down to soak up every minute of being in that peaceful studio setting. Knowing that the day I finished, Jeremy would be landing in NJ & we would be in the throes of wedding week for Amy Joy & Cameron made me antsy though, even though I tried to slow things down mentally. 

I started each day at around 4:45am, when my alarm would go off & I'd arrive bleary eyed in the kitchen to make a hearty breakfast for myself, drink large mugs of coffee, and start my day slowly. I would leave for the studio around 6am on my trusty road bike. 

One of my absolute most memorable moments of this trip was that chilly morning ride. I remember pedaling down the hill next to the capitol building,  the lights - blurry streaks in my peripheral. A play list made specifically for the trip blaring in my headphones. Being up really early, well before the sun, was so rewarding. If the sun rose in China visibly, I would definitely go back to getting up early enough to watch it. The day felt so new, the excitement & possibility of it bursting at the seems. I would arrive at the studio at about 6:30am. The sun would be making it's slow appearance. I would usually sit on the curb outside the studio with my travel mug of coffee & watch the sky change colors. Sometimes I would catch Jeremy for a quick chat after his work day had finished. Typing all this now, those mornings are so tangible to me. As if they had happened yesterday. 

sunrise on 14th & T.

     partner yoga with my teacher training friend, Salena. & celebratory handstands on my last day.

The training itself was challenging. I was in the studio for 12 hours straight for 14 consecutive days. We would start the day with breathing/meditation, talk about the philosophy of yoga, the history of yoga, the texts that yoga was derived from & the more physical aspects of yoga, as in sequencing, proper cuing/alignment & anatomy. The physical aspect focused days were some of my favorites, but I found myself really enjoying the daily meditation/breathing practices we did as a group, usually in the first hour, so the sun would just be coming up when we started, and completely filling the room with golden light when we finished. 

Coming from my religious background as a christian, I definitely found myself challenged in new ways with being present for some of the discussions regarding the philosophy of yoga. What those discussions did was not only teach me to "be in the world, but not of the world" but also reaffirmed my beliefs in God & that my trusting in Him and Him alone is where I place my devotion. Being one of the only christians in my teaching group (Salena was the only other one that I knew of, & of whom I am so grateful to have found in the group,) was a real struggle when we would chant or sing songs that I wasn't familiar with nor had any desire to participate in. It tested me, being in those situations, knowing that I needed to experience these things to obtain certification to teach something that I am so passionate about. I wanted to really understand the background of yoga (which is nearly impossible to understand,) but at a distance, of sorts. How I view yoga isn't how many other's may view it, and that's ok.

My yoga journey has been interesting, and something that I speak to more here.

At this point of my trip, I was elated to have finally finished something I was so excited to complete, my husband was finally in the same country as I was after a month of being apart, and one of my best friends was getting married. Cue the confetti.

I turned into wedding craft lady & set to work with gold spray paint, paint pens & twine to help finish up the last of the wedding crafts for Cameron & Amy's big day.

Before we knew it, it was the big day & it was magical & beautiful & lovely.

Hooray for LOVE.

There was a week after which Jeremy & I spent time together back at his parents house in PA. We enjoyed the slowness to the day, sleeping in, lots of coffee & lounging. It was wonderful. Jeremy then shipped back off to China to go back to work & I spent another 3 weeks in the states.

Hence commencing lots of facetiming once again...

excited faces upon his arrival in Hong Kong after a very long wait while he crossed the Pacific.

At this point in my trip, I was still without a phone, and thus, very few photo's were taken. I road tripped down to see my parents in South Carolina with my sister where I managed to retrieve one from my mom when she asked if we could take a "selfie" together..

After a week with my parents spent relaxing & driving around the mountains, Jenn & I headed back to Virginia, where I would spend a few days before my final trip North before departing for China again.

In Norfolk, I caught up with a lot of old friends. I got to see my nephew, Levi for the first time since he was born.

my brother & his boy.

love love love him.

I got to spend an entire day with one of my best friends, Kristina, who was living in San Diego at the time & just happened to be flying over to VA while I was in town. #winning

We spent the day at the beach doing partner yoga (my first time seeing the Atlantic since before I had left for China,) making target runs, catching up, going to Kristina's first yoga class ever & making a visit to Cogans, the obligatory place we almost always would agree on meeting up when we both lived in the same place.

One of my best days back, for sure.

I got to see & catch up with so many people, it felt amazing dropping in at the gym I used to train at & seeing the expressions on peoples faces when they didn't recognize me for that first glance. Lunch dates, early morning coffee, a drink after dinner - trying to catch up with everyone I possibly could. It was so good. 

I traveled North a final time to grab the rest of my stuff from the in-laws & say my final family goodbyes. 

   leaves on my old car & the time we gave AJ an undercut (during which time I decided I wanted one too, but I eventually talked myself off the ledge.)

I spent my last 4 days in the US with some of my very best friends, Shevon & Charles and their little one year old bundle of baby love, Cameron in NJ. We filled those days with lots of lovely US-y things. Target runs, Whole Foods/Trader Joes stock ups for my return trip, eating chipotle, drinking wine, brunches & walks in the bright orange leaves. They really showered me with love those last few days, which I am so grateful for. 

I spent my last days taking pictures of the autumn sky & the trees full of brightly colored leaves. I also got to see my Aunt & Uncle who lived in the area for a quick dinner too, which was also wonderful. 

the glory of fall.

My last night was spent in front of a fire with a a cheese plate & the pumpkin beer I had been searching high & low for since I had arrived in the states. I found it two days before I was to leave for China. 

It was perfection.

One of the things I repeatedly came back to during those two months was the people who took time out of their days to mark out time to see me, even if it was only for thirty minutes in between clients or appointments, or before/after work. To feel that kind of love - it is immense & appreciated.

Oh & the sky. The SKY. I found myself staring up at it so frequently during these two months; way more than I had ever done before I left. It wasn't hard as almost every night there was a picture perfect sunset waiting to be stared at.

pennsylvania: from my inlaw's front porch.

capitol hill, DC: from AJ's front porch.

DC: from Kelsey & Jared's balcony

DC: near Dupont Circle

(my favorite.) DC: Kelsey & Jared's rooftop.

I loved my trip home & the memories made.

Thank you to all that made it special.

xo.

a little love note

on this day, seven years ago, I told you I wanted to be your girlfriend.

it was in your car on a rainy afternoon.

right before we were to go to a friends house.

I had been tossing around the thought for weeks when you first told me you wanted to be with me.

but I told you I needed time.

your warm hands that always find mine.

your steady love that never waivers, even when I am stubborn & hard headed.

your patience with me & the dreams I have.

the knowledge that all the things you plan in life are with me in mind.

looking back over these seven (seven) years, you have been my constant.

slow to anger. 

the calm in my storm.

i am so thankful for your love, Jeremy.

thank you for waiting so patiently for me, all those years ago.

to make the decision that I would never regret.

all my love,

Dani

"this is for you."

I came to yoga almost as an accident. I wasn't really interested in yoga for a long time, deeming myself a "pilates girl." I distinctly remember the conversation shift when the pilates class at my local Y would end & the yogis would enter for their yoga class. Talk of "core control" would be exchanged for chakras and chaturangas. I didn't really understand it - what yoga was. I just thought it was a more "relaxed version of pilates." Maybe with less screaming ab work, and more meditation. 

Something like that. 

It took me many years to finally open myself up to what yoga was & what it would do for me.

I was a personal trainer at a different gym, spending most of my time beating myself to a pulp on the stair mill & lots of sprinting/olympic lifting/plyometrics. I hated stretching, even though I knew I needed to do it. 

Foam-rolling, ugh. 

I would nearly cry trying to break up some of the tightness in my thighs. 

I was coaching a client in the evening one night & saw that there was a yoga class on the schedule. It was taught by a teacher who owns her own yoga studio & came to teach a few classes a month at our gym. I decided I would already be at the gym for my client so I would just skip my normal sweat sesh for some down-dogging, or what have you.

That class was so eye-opening to my stubbornness & abuse of my own body. I was so obsessed with lifting weights, working up a good sweat, burning fat & staying lean that I had neglected to treat my muscles to what they actually needed. An intelligent & dynamic stretch.

I couldn't touch my toes, my hamstrings were not giving an inch. My down-dog felt awkward, my heels miles above the mat. All the twists & bends in yoga were all incredibly un-fun for me during that first class (& many beyond). 

Laying in Savasana, I felt wiped - like all the toxins that had been chilling in my muscles finally all came to the surface at the same time. The crazy part about it was how I felt once I left. I felt calm. I felt like I had done my body a great service & immediately checked the schedule for the next yoga class on my way out of the gym.

From there, I went every week that I could. I tried to be more aware of how my body was feeling during workouts & spending more time releasing the tension in my muscles instead of just waking up with knots the next day. 

It wasn't until a new teacher started teaching a lunch time class during the week that I found my niche. I started going every week & wanting to do it as often as I could. I started to see dramatic changes in my posture, in the feeling of length in my spine & hamstrings. I was able to touch my toes in forward fold. I was able to get into pigeon without wanting to die. But, I wan't panting for breath, I wasn't screaming from the inside about how hard this was. 

What was this!?

The more I went to that class, the more I started to pull back the layers of myself. It was a very slow process. I felt my thoughts shifting through the practice. Memories from my past would come up, mistakes, regrets, frustrations, all these things would ebb & flow during my hour on the mat. It was weird. I wasn't sure of what was happening. "I didn't come here for this," I remember thinking, "I came here to stretch, what are all these thoughts going on in my head."

I started to share my yoga experience with everyone I knew who only lifted or ran. I started using postures I had become familiar with in classes with my clients as a way to explore stretching in a new light. 

From there, it was only a matter of time before I simply wanted to practice yoga instead of lift or run. I still enjoyed those things immensely, but I was really enjoying the benefits I was seeing from the practice. I started to read more about yoga, diving into the various aspects of it. I realized that I wanted to further my health profession by also becoming a certified yoga teacher.

That's when I had to kind of reevaluate a few things when it came to yoga.

Yoga had always been a way for me to feel more centered. A way to reconnect with my breath & check in on all those muscles that I use daily (without really showing much gratitude.) I looked forward to my weekly yoga classes more than any other time spent in the gym. I blocked that time out, it was so important to me to have. But I wasn't really sure of how to address the philosophy of yoga. The "OM's" & the talk of spiritual energies & the "universe."  I didn't know how to address any of those things because I had my own beliefs that didn't line up quite right with the philosophy behind yoga , but I was so wrapped up in how great I felt during yoga that I refused to stop because I didn't understand some things about it. I just kept moving forward with my weekly classes & my aspirations of finding a teacher training that I could join. I thought that with time I would figure out a way to address this "yoga thing" as it pertained to me directly & my beliefs.

I then moved to China where all of these things came to a halt. I had to give up my weekly yoga classes and had no real hope of getting certified to teach until after my time in China was up. It frustrated me. I didn't let those things stop me, though. I built up a home practice & was on my mat daily. I was becoming very aware of it's affects when I didn't have a gym or studio to escape to. It became the most important thing I did for my body. 

I was following hundreds of yogis on IG, doing yoga challenges, practicing handstands in public places.. it was all madness. I was obsessed. Yoga had become more to me than just a way to keep my body lean & supple.

I started doing more reading & trying to line up my beliefs with what yoga was, with no real success. I didn't agree with a lot of the things that were being taught in books or online about what yoga was. People started to ask me about my yoga practice as it pertained to the beliefs system. I would explain that there are many positive attributes of the yoga system of beliefs that I thought were great & should be followed, but a lot of it was muddy & I felt disoriented.

Being so far away from a lot of things, including church, made me hyper aware of how easy it would be to start worshipping other things. It's easy to become obsessed with the things that make us feel good, or more connected to something greater. 

At this point, I really started to hone in on what I believed.

It may sound mystical to many of you reading this, but it's something I'm grateful for, to this day.

I started meditating on a more regular basis, first as a way to settle my overactive mind, but then later, to start focusing more on the act of being still.

"be still & know that I am God."

It hit me like a bolt of lightning. 

I didn't have to do yoga for myself - as a means to help feel more grounded or connected. I needed only to reconnect to God & feel His presence. This missing piece kind of got tossed around when I was in the states, before I left for China - being "too busy" to really find focus & clarity through Christ, and not within myself. 

It was at this point, over this past summer, when I would venture to my high-rise rooftop & practice yoga as an offering. It wasn't just about me anymore. The Holy Spirit is within me, and God gave me this body, why should I not move in a manner that would praise Him. He has given me the ability, I should use it to honor & glorify Him.

So, sunsets on my roof-top, flowing through sun-salutations became my way to commune with God. It became a sort of meditation through movement where my focal point wasn't just on myself.

What started out as a way for me to feel better about myself, to feel more flexible & connected became a way to slow down, connect with God & praise Him. 

When I traveled back to the states this past fall, I was able to take a yoga teacher training at a studio in DC. It was an experience through various waves of emotions & thoughts. The days were long & the information was overwhelming. But, through this time, I still felt a surge of clarity in what I believed. There was no sway, no loosening of any grasp on the ground that I've stood on for much of my life.

There was a phrase used frequently during my yoga teacher training during some of our Dharma inspired classes: "This is for you." The teacher would whisper it as he or she would walk around the room during some of the longer held poses. & now, during my own practice, those words escape my lips. "This is for You, God." 

It's amazing how something so seemingly small can bring you to something so big. Yoga, for me, is not just about headstands & mediation. It has become a way for me to honor God with what He has given me. A body that is healthy & strong, and breath flowing through my lungs. He has blessed me with these things, so I intend to bless Him with my practice.

You may disagree with me in what yoga was intended for. 

After all my studying at a traditional yoga teacher training, I feel more grounded in my beliefs than ever before. 

You may think it is strange that my christian beliefs got stronger through a non-christian practice. 

Yoga is meant to bring us closer to God, whatever that may be for you individually. 

& looking back over the course of this journey, I am so happy that I stumbled upon that class that night & gave yoga a try. It has brought me to a more tangible place when it comes to my relationship with God. He is the reason I am able to move & breathe. 

He is the reason I can yearn for stillness & trust in the knowledge of a greater power.

& it is within me to praise His holy name. 

all glory & power be.

on gratitude

                   

I've had so much happen over this past year to be grateful for. So many moments where I felt every pore in my body beaming, where I felt nothing more than overflowing thankfulness. I've seen so many new places, travelled to the other side of the world, saw people get married, saw new babies and babies who are growing up, (so quickly, I might add.) I saw people who are making new lives for themselves. I saw two different oceans. I did yoga on the sands of Hong Kong and Virginia Beach. I've been blessed with a husband who continually thanks me for the little things I do, who brings me my cup of coffee in the morning. Who whispers "I love you" before we fall asleep, every night, without fail.

Even with all those little moments, I still struggle with gratitude. I find myself coming back to a place where I don't really feel much of anything about a lot of things. I become complacent. I get used to the little things that make my life better & easier. 

We all get wrapped up in "feelings of thanks" around this time of year, or at least make some sort of effort to because it's expected. But what does that actually look like? Does that simply mean saying thank you to everyone seated beside you at thanksgiving dinner? Does it equate to making an instagram post about the ten things you're most grateful for this year?

I don't know. I feel a wave of reality hit me when I see those things. I really wonder if we didn't have a holiday that is centered around the giving of thanks, if we would even stop for a moment to do just that. 

It's so easy to become complacent. It's so easy to just accept the normalcy of life in it's good givings. But how do we really take those good things into our life with a true spirit of gratitude?

These are thoughts that I've been mulling over for the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that people are making the time to say thank you to their friends & family, or writing the facebook statuses, etc. I think I just wonder what would happen if we didn't have a holiday to center our thanks around. 

I think what I'm trying to get at is that thanksgiving should be a practice we all implement into our daily lives - not just once a year. Yes, yes. A topic that has probably been typed out a million times over the vast expanse of blogs the world over. 

My question is, How are you going to become more grateful in your life?

What will you actually do (implying action,) to express your thankfulness?

Maybe avoid complaining about the bad stuff to other people.

Maybe leaving little thank you notes on the bathroom mirror or the kitchen counter to your partner for the extra work they put in to make things good for the both of you.

Maybe it's doing something nice & not expected for someone who consistently does nice things for you. (my biggest thing right now.)

Maybe it's praying to God more just to say thanks for all the good He has given you.

Maybe it's really soaking in the moments that get overlooked - the sky changing colors as the sun fades, or the smell of the crisp autumn air. 

Maybe it's scooping up your baby & showering them with kisses. 

Maybe it's giving an unexpected shoulder massage or washing the dishes when it's not "your turn."

I'm really trying to be aware of what a grateful heart looks like & how I can express that outwardly.

It's easy to say thank you. 

it's harder to show it.

I challenge you to take this week to do one "act of gratitude" a day - write an email, make someone a playlist of the best Christmas music ever. Make someone a homemade treat. Take time out of your overflowing schedule to treat a friend for coffee & tell them how much you appreciate their friendship. Genuinely LISTEN to someone else without your own agenda. Anything. People need more good vibes in their lives, especially around this time of year. Share the goodness.

// be the change.

december

EATING || foods with sriracha cause I found it at an international grocery store & it just makes everything so much better.

DRINKING || coffee again. I knew that my love affair could only be put on pause for so long.  

PRACTICING || patience with all the children I am teaching english to now. 

MASTERING || baking without flour.

LEARNING || Chinese words for all the foods.

PLAYING || a game with how long I can go without fixing the heater in our apartment that is slightly possessed. Ok, not slightly. 

FINISHING || lots of yoga teacher training post-training requirements. They are many.

READING || Nothing again. I ran out of time on the last book in my Oyster que, ha. December snuck up on me.

WATCHING || elementary & all the Christmas movies.

WALKING || in my sorel boots now that the rainy season has officially set in. 

WEARING || a pashmina wrapped around my neck at all times.

COOKING || my first thanksgiving (sans-turkey) I've ever done. Also experimenting with some Chinese foods.

WORKING || on posting to my blog more. Sorry.

TRAVELING || to the top of a mountain that is a third as tall as Everest on Christmas Eve. Pumped.

WANTING || my first batch of home brewed kombucha to not be a total flop. Crossing all my fingers.

The tiny tree on our windowsill is all the Christmas decorating I've been able to do as of yet because our big trip for our big tree (WITH LIGHTS!!!) hasn't happened yet. Moments (they happen frequently) that I am thankful for having an IKEA in Chongqing. 

I'm looking forward to a month filled with lots of to-do lists, planning our trip to Mt. Emei for Christmas, wrapping some gifts for the husb & maybe finding some mistletoe. 2014 is one month away from being over & I fully intend on closing out with a bang. 

Happy December!!